Three Montagues...

I am a menace...

2011-12-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

Hello Internet Friends and Strangers! We survived our time with Intrepid Spouseman away and he returned(despite my best efforts to run him over with our car...more on that later) safe and sound. Levi is in heaven, now that his best friend in the whole world is back, but none too pleased when Isaac leaves for work in the mornings. At least he's only gone for a few hours and when he comes home Levi is just beside himself with glee. It makes me happy. However, all of this happiness nearly did not happen since I nearly squished Levi's best friend in the entire world in a parking lot on post. In my defense, it was 100% an accident. That, however, is my only defense and Intrepid Spouseman is alive and well only by a small miracle (that miracle being that I slammed on the brakes before squishing him). You, dear internet friends and strangers, are probably wondering what on earth I was doing in a parking lot near enough to I.S. to nearly squish him, if I.S. was supposed to be away at survival training. An excellent question. I shall explain.

I was driving down the road towards the gas station on post. This road happens to go right by the cafeteria which is used occassionally by those in training. As I drove past, I saw two big busses, of the sort used to shuttle various training classes hither and yon, parked in the parking lot and realized that the only people who would be at the cafeteria in big busses at that point would be Intrepid Spouseman's class. I about had a heart attack and then drove around the block six times trying to decide what to do. Since they were inside I knew they'd have to come out eventually and I really, really wanted to see I.S. BUT. I didn't want him to see me. He was still in training and I didn't want to distract him. On about lap number 4, I decided to be stealthy. After 2 more laps, I had a fool-proof plan. Sort of. I parked in the parking lot behind a large, puffy shrub. I know, I'm so brilliant. What could possibly go wrong with such an intricate and well-thought out plan? We waited in the car, Levi and I, and soon enough they all came out and there he was! I was feeling quite proud of myself and my amazing undercover skills. Quite pleased with myself, indeed. Right up until I realized that Spouseman was going to walk right in front of the car and see us. I kind of panicked and pulled out, intending to turn to the right to drive out of the parking lot away from the guys coming out of the cafeteria. Only, I wasn't really thinking clearly and I turned left-directly in front of him. Much slamming of breaks. Much screeching. Near-heart attack. Of course he saw me (which was exactly what I didn't want) and I panicked again. My brilliant solution? I kept driving (DON'T JUDGE.). But, I was so totally freaked out that I wasn't watching closely and nearly ran over a second group of guys in Spouseman's class. More slamming of breaks. More screeching. More heart-attacks. They'd survived ridiculously difficult training and I nearly took out a half-dozen of them in one fell swoop in the stupid cafeteria parking lot shortly before they were meant to go home. Clearly, I was not meant to be a spy. Or an undercover cop. Or anything else that requires me to be even marginally stealthy. By the time I made it out of the parking lot (without killing or maiming anyone) I was so completely out of it that I drove straight home. I'd been home about 20 minutes when realized I never did make it to the gas station.

Despite this brush with death, he finished the training, made it home and all is well! Yay for us!

Tuesday Thoughts

2011-11-29T20:52:00.001-07:00

Subtitle: The Disjointed Ramblings of a Situational Single Parent

At the end of this unbelievably long day which started at 6am and is just now winding down, I am filled with many thoughts and so, because I am too exhausted to put the sheets on my bed so that I can actually go to sleep, I am sitting on my rear-end typing a basically pointless, kind of whiny blog post until I can muster the energy to move more than my fingers and get myself to bed already. Doesn't that introduction just suck you in and leave you breathless with anticipation for the literary genius which must be forthcoming? Well, read on friends and strangers, read on. Don't blame me if you are disappointed, though.

The last 2 days have been challenging. Intrepid Spouseman is off learning new and exciting ways to stay alive in the increasingly hostile world at large (despite what you may think, that was typed without even a hint of sarcasm. He really is off learning myriad and sundry survival techniques. That's why it's called survival training.). While he will be gone for a mere 21 days, I am finding his absence to be slightly more challenging than when he left for almost 5 months to play GI Joe. In addition to the fact that this time we do not get to communicate with Intrepid Spouseman at all while he is away, Little Levi is much more mobile and demanding of my attention and he is obviously missing his very best friend in the whole world. You see, most days, Levi wakes up and immediately visits with Isaac in the bathroom while Isaac gets ready for work. Then, they play during lunch time. And again after dinner and again after his bath until bedtime. Well, today little Levi toddled over to the bathroom door as usual and, finding it closed, proceeded to bang and yell. As you can imagine, when this failed to produce "DA!!!!!!!!!!" poor Levi was not happy. Not happy at all (neither was I, for that matter.Sad face.). Repeat this scenario several times during the day (waking from naps and peering expectantly around corners for DA!, running to the door at the sound of a car etc...) and you have the perfect recipe for a sad and confused little toddler. Poor little Bug. It seems that my normally good natured baby is handling his distress by becoming fussy, clingy and demanding. Which does not surprise me, but does make it very difficult to get my work done. And done it must get because I have major, immoveable deadlines this week. Because of work issues (at both the full time day job and the part-time adjunct job) and Levi issues today, I often felt as though everything was just inches away from complete disaster. Hence, the exhaustion. But we made it work, Little Levi and I. We worked a little, played a little, napped a little (well, those under the age of 2 napped), rinsed and repeated until everything got done. We took a break to have dinner with a friend (whose husband is also away being trained in the intricacies of survival. Thanks for rescuing my carrots and celery, A! ) and tomorrow I'm packing for a mini-vacation to visit another friend (I am so excited. Seriously. I have been looking forward to this for months! Months, I say!). All is well, even if all is a little chaotic. We are tired, but we survived. Isaac says everyone who finishes SERE should get a tee-shirt that says "I Survived SERE" (haha! Surviving survival training! Hmm...Now that I think about it, that might be a joke that is only funny to military people...or maybe only to me...wouldn't be the first time.). and I'm beginning to think that spouses and children should get them too. We'll see how the next few weeks go, but for now I'm off to cross another day off the calendar before I go to bed. Only 19 days to go.

I apologize in advance for the extremely rant-y nature of this post

2011-11-15T15:52:00.001-07:00

I have a lot to say these days, but very little motivation to actually, well, say any of it. Mostly I compose extremely rant-y blog posts in my head, take a deep breath and then move on with my life. But today, since the Spouse is still at work, Little Man is happily playing with an empty container of oats (What? You don't give your kid trash to play with? What's wrong with you?) and a wooden spoon (Ditto above but with kitchen implements) and the laundry is (mostly) done, I thought "What the heck? Let's rant in public for a bit, shall we" and so, we shall.

Rant #1: I am just so unendingly tired of people talking about the NBA "labor" dispute. Does anyone, anywhere care even the slightest little bit that a whole bunch of multi-millionaires are not getting their "fair" share from a bunch of multi-billionaires? No? Then let's move on, news media. There are starving children in Africa. Heck, there are starving children in Iowa. Let the poor little rich kids handle their playground dispute in private. MOVE ON.

Rant #2: I love the People of the South. Really, I do. I love that they are friendly and funny and, mostly, not scary. But, BUT, can I just say that I do not love it when People of the South touch Levi? I have to bite lips and sit on hands to stop myself from swatting people. Seriously. I get that he's pretty much the most adorable little person ever. I know that he's extremely social and will chat with you in his little baby voice and reach out his little hand as if to invite touching but PLEASE, dear People of the South, do not share your germs with my baby. I may have to make a little shirt that says "NO TOUCHY" and only let him out of the house when he wears it.

Rant #3: The ice cream currently sold by several major manufacturers is no longer ice cream, but is instead a mysterious concotion they are calling "Frozen Dairy Dessert". I am just so disappointed. I recognize that the reason for the name change is because their "ice cream", in reality, contains little or no cream and how sad is that? I say that it is indicative of pretty much everything that's wrong with industrialized food production in this country. That's right people. The lack of cream in our ice cream is merely a symptom of a larger problem and you can just take that to the park and protest it. Furthermore, I'd just like to go on record and say that I'd happily pay more to have some cream in my ice cream. I'm pretty sure most people would. I look forward to pumpkin pie ice cream all year but now that I've made this unfortunate discovery, I can't bring myself to purchase and consume Pumpkin Frozen Dairy Dessert. There are, I know, several brands of ice cream that are actually ice cream and/or I could, theoretically, make my own but 1. None of the true ice creams have a pumpkin flavor and 2. I am super lazy. Sad panda. (side note: in the grand scheme of things-like starving children in Iowa-I realize that this is a small problem, but this is my party and I'll rant if I want to)

Rant #4: Could some please explain to me the laws of the universe that have dictated that no matter how carefully I set the timer and no matter how watchful I am over them, I inevitably burn at least 1 tray of cookies each and everytime I bake cookies? There has to be some sort of rule that I am breaking or some sort of universal vendetta against my cookie making. Perhaps both? Help me out here, surely this is not just me? Is there some sort of support group? Remedial cookie baking education? Something?

Rant #5: I would like to find the person who decided landscaping with rocks was a good idea and beat him (of course it was a him) with a few rocks of my own. This past weekend, in a haze of joy at having my "own" yard (which is really not mine at all, but is instead owned by a rather large and mysterious government contractor and which is technically shared between myself and the residents of the other half of the twin home in which I currently reside but which I call my "own" because, really, typing out what it actually is everytime is time consuming and disheartening), I purchased, with the intent to plant, many bulbs. Many, many bulbs. There were tulips and irises and fresias OH MY!
I thought (silly me) that this would be a simple process-clear pine needle mulch (ick), dig holes, plant bulbs, water and trust the fates of the universe. But, alas. This plan hit a snafu when, upon moving the pine needle mulch, it was discovered that some idiot, erm, person, had previously filled the entire flower bed with decorative rock. Let me reiterate: someone, somewhere had filled a flower bed with ROCKS. Then, someone else decided it would be a good idea to completely cover those rocks with PINE NEEDLES. I'll just let you mull that one over for a bit.........................................................................................................
Anyway. After sitting about the house sighing deeply and morosely lamenting my fate, the intrepid husband devised a plan whereby the rocks would be moved and the bulbs planted. This plan involved the husband moving buckets full of rocks to the backyard flowerbeds, which are so overrun with rocks (EVIL DECORATIVE ROCKS) and weeds that even I don't want to try and do anything with them, while I scraped the rocks out of the dirt so as to fill his buckets and loudly cursed the person who thought rocks and gardens were a good match. Eventually, most of the rocks were gone, all the bulbs were planted and Levi had only eaten a little dirt. But STILL. Rocks. Pine Needles. For the love.

And that is all. Carry on.

Now We Are 1...

2011-10-27T08:04:00.001-07:00

Presents!

Cake!

I've been meaning to post pictures for the past week, but better late than never! We had a great little family party with cake and presents and lots of playing with new toys. Yay for birthdays!

An Unfortunate Milestone

2011-10-03T14:20:00.001-07:00

Levi. He is very nearly 1 whole year old (insert lamentation about how quickly time passes here...). To this point we have celebrated all the usual milestones: smiling, first teeth, eating solid foods, cruising about etc...So far, we've welcomed each and every development (and let's be honest, every single near-development) with excitment and more than a little praise (You very nearly pulled yourself up all by yourself! GREAT JOB!). However, today we had a milestone that I wasn't too keen to celebrate. See, Levi likes to chew on stuff. Pretty much anything will do and usually this isn't a big deal but sometimes, he'll chomp down on something he really, really shouldn't chew on. Today, it was the electrical cord for a lamp. So, I went over there and pulled him away saying, as usual, "No, no, no". Usually, when I stop him from doing something he wants to do he'll protest, loudly even, but then move on to do something else. Today however, he yelled (as he usually does), looked right at my face then leaned over and bit me. Hard.
It was 100% clear that 1. He was really annoyed and 2. He chose to express his annoyance by biting. Not. Cool. Alas, I think we have hit another milestone: Acting out. On purpose. With intention. and I am none too pleased about this development. Hopefully, he gets over this need to express annoyance by biting pretty darn quick, because yelling I can handle. Crying, no problem. Physical violence, however, is a 1 way ticket to eternal timeout...and he's too young to be grounded for life.

What's Missing?!

2011-09-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

NO MORE HELMET!!!!!!!!!!!

(Seriously, is this not the cutest picture you have ever seen? I die.)

No more helmet means that today we begin the, rather unfortunate, process of learning that bumping our head HURTS! We have already bumped into 2 walls, the piano and a door but we are learning!

Blah, Blah, Blah

2011-09-12T07:10:00.001-07:00

So, Levi. He is starting to talk for reals. Not like this time, but actually using his little mouth to make sounds that have meaning.

His favorites? "Mama" and "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

See, you have to say "no" like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" when you are almost one. I am not sure why.

Also, we never say "Mama" around here. We say "MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA!" until someone (could be me. could be Isaac. Levi's not too fussy usually) takes care of whatever problem prompted the MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA! in the first place.

Problem is, since we only have 2 words so far, whomever is responding to the call of MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA! frequently guesses Tiny Man's needs incorrectly. And then we hear:

"MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMMA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It is awesome to be scolded by an almost 1 year old. Awesome, I tell you.

Epic Fail

2011-09-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

When we left Utah to come to the great state of Alabama, we left behind a great many people. One such person was Bailee the Wonder Colorist (sidenote: there are a lot of people named Bailee in Utah. A lot. And they all spell their names differently. Once, I had a student who spelled her name BayLeah. The first time I read her name I thought it said "BayLeaf" and I almost asked, outloud, why her parents named her after an herb. Luckily, I caught myself, but everytime I talked to her after that I had to consiously remind myself that her name was BayLeah not "BayLeaf". True story.) and, having now gone approximately an eternity without coloring my hair and, having been told by no less than EVERY member of my immediate family that when I do not color my hair I look like a 50 year old grandmother (apparently this was all said "out of love". Whatever.) and, having been repeatedly assured by my myriad and sundry sisters who also look like 50 year old grandmothers if they don't color their hair that coloring ones hair by ones self is "So easy!" and, because I have not yet had a chance to find a replacement for Bailee the Wonder Colorist, I decided to take the plunge and attempt to color my hair my very ownself. "12 year olds at slumber parties do this all the time!" I thought. "What could go wrong with a product that goes so far as to proclaim itself "Nice" and "Easy"?", I thought. "If your mother and sisters can do this, so can you!" I thought. "You have a master's degree! How hard can this be?!" I thought. I should have ignored all those thoughts and listened to the very quiet, nagging voice in the back of my mind which said "There is a reason you are not a cosmotologist YOU IDIOT!"

You see, I managed to dye a great many things; the bathroom counter, 2 towels, the toilet seat, one of our bath mats, my left arm, both ears, the back of my neck, the bottom of my right foot, every single one of my fingernails, my hairbrush, my shampoo bottle, the shower curtain, 2 barretts and the door to the bathroom but did not,as luck would have it, successfully manage to dye the one thing I was actually interested in turning a "dark auburn": my gray hair. I followed the directions exactly. I even timed the shaking of the bottle because the little instruction sheet said "shake for at least 20 seconds." So, I timed myself shaking for 30 seconds. Which is, as anyone knows, at least 20 seconds. I set a little kitchen timer for 10 minutes I "started at the roots" and saturated my hair "all the way to the ends". I rinsed until the water ran clear. I conditioned with the little tube of conditioner. I now have brown hair with, in addition to the grey streaks, orangish brown streaks. It is not an improvement. Not to mention the fact that the roots of my hair are at least 2 shades different than the rest of my hair. EPIC FAIL.
Clearly, hair coloring needs to join espionage and brain surgery on my list of tasks best left to the professionals. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go make an appointment to have someone much more talented than I fix my hair.

My Favorite Room

2011-08-23T12:03:00.001-07:00

So. I have this post I've been working on, complete with a million pictures of the house, the baby and our Alabama adventures. It's taking me a while to get it all done, so in the meantime I thought I'd share a picture of my favorite room in our new little house.
Are you ready?
Here it is:

Yes, it is true. My favorite "room" is not a room at all, but the closet in our office. I love it. So. Much. In every place we've lived previous to this little house, my sewing stuff has been migratory, moving where ever it would fit and then moving again to be "out of the way" when we needed the space it occupied for something else. I have longed for a permanent place to keep my sewing machine and all my many sewing books, tools and other things. When we started to organize our things, it became apparent that this little closet wasn't needed for actual storage and so I commandeered it and it became my sewing room. I have all my books, my patterns, my tools and projects IN ONE PLACE. The only things that don't fit in this tiny little closet are my giant bins of fabric, but they are just outside the door in the hall closet. It is AWESOME.

On one wall, I can hang my rulers. Observe:

On the other, I have an organizer for my bobbins, little tools of various kinds and scissors ( I have a lot of scissors):

The little lamp down at the bottom of that picture is sitting on a little table upon which also sits various things I am using for my current project. A little table. With a lamp. That doesn't have to move every time I need to use the dining room table. AWESOME, I tell you.

Sometimes, I come into the office just to look at the little closet and all my things neatly stowed away in their permanent home. Because it is so awesome.

And that is all for this Tuesday.

I Stand Corrected

2011-08-10T09:35:00.000-07:00

So. As anyone who knows me knows I don't often admit that I am wrong (this is largely due to how rarely I actually am wrong, but that is beside the point). However, I have recently come to the conclusion that I was wrong about one very important issue and I am now admitting this fact. Publicly. Well, as publicly as my little blog which is read by approximately 10 people, can be considered "public". Anyway. I was wrong and I can admit it.

You see, almost 2 years ago Isaac got this brilliant idea that he was going to be a Warrant Officer Aviator. Brilliant, except for the little detail that becoming a Warrant Officer Aviator would require him and us to live in Alabama for an extended period of time. This little detail made me feel more than a little bit queasy. I have lived in many places in my life and have managed to never, ever spend a significant amount of time in the "Deep South". Since discovering that I would likely have to spend almost 2 years living in the "Deep South", I have loudly, frequently and with great passion decried the weather, the culture, the people, the politics, the craziness etc... and, well, I was wrong. About almost everything.

Yes, it is incredibly hot and humid here. But, it is also beautiful, with amazing, huge trees and plants and flowers and lakes and the ocean just an hour away. It's lovely. Aside from one unfortunate encounter with a snake and a squirrel (shudder) I've spent a great deal of time in absolute awe at how pretty everything is here.

Yes, there are some very interesting people here. But, I have never met people who are, as a whole, more kind, considerate and loving. I am not, as a general rule, a "people person" and yet I cannot help but chat and visit with people wherever we go. This is, of course, partly due to Levi being adorable and the world's biggest flirt, but people are also just genuinely friendly. I'm learning to adapt. I have been asked with absolute sincerity, more times than I can count(by complete strangers no less), if Levi is okay and, often, if there is anything they can do to help. Some days, this happens more than once. Almost always our short conversations about Levi and his helmet end with promises to pray for us. Sincere promises.

Yes, the ward is tiny. But, they have welcomed us like no where else I have ever been.We, quite literally, had a dinner invitation for every night of our first week here. When people at church found out we were still waiting for our furniture to arrive, several families offered to loan us furniture they were using (like the couch from their living room-"Take it! We're never home! It just sits there!") just so we'd have the things we needed. I took Levi to his first 'play group' just 3 days after arriving here because the women at Church wouldn't take "no" for an answer when they invited us to join them ("You have no furniture! You must be so bored! Levi needs friends! You must come. I'll be over at 10:30 and we can go together!" And she was. And we did). It was a little overwhelming, but also kind of amazing that complete strangers would take such an interest in our well being.

For nearly all of the past 2 years I have felt quite certain that living here would mean gritting my teeth and "enduring to the end". But, I was wrong. I've lived a lot of places, and very few have felt like "home". Our tiny house, on a tiny Army post, without family or friends nearby, in Alabama of all places, feels like home. I was wrong and I am glad I was.

Operation: Birthday Surprise!

2011-07-24T16:43:00.000-07:00

Mission Accomplished!

We (Levi and I) flew into Alabama last night so we could surprise Isaac today. It was a great day and we loved getting to spend the day with him. Just 2 more days and we'll all be in the same house again!

Happy Birthday Isaac!

P.S. Remember that Friends episode where they all go the Bahamas? And Monica's hair explodes? Yeah. That's why there are no pictures of me. We're going to need to invest in some industrial strength gel. Or, go the Monica route and embrace the cornrow...

Join the Movement!

2011-06-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

So. A while back, when I lived in ~~Hades~~ Phoenix, I realized that my committment to jeans as the only acceptable "bottom" (except at church and other dressy occassions) was going to get me killed. See, it's a million degrees in ~~Hades~~ Phoenix and jeans are not known for being hot-weather attire. I was melting. Slowly, but surely, I was going to die of heat stroke if I didn't do something drastic. Problem is, I have a deep, abiding and immoveable loathing for shorts and capri pants. Like, I cannot even describe to you how much I hate them. The fire of a thousand suns doesn't even come close to describing my loathing. Clearly, I had a dilemma. Around this very same time I randomly happened across a post from a person much more fashionable and (clearly) intelligent than I advocating the return of the "casual skirt". This, I thought, was a movement I could get behind. Skirts are not hideous like shorts and capri pants (disclaimer: I know many people who wear shorts and capri pants and do not look hideous. I am not one of them. I have pictures to prove this. I will not be sharing.) Skirts are significantly cooler than jeans. Skirts can easily be made at home (remember my aversion to shopping? It extends to all clothing types, including skirts). I was going to JOIN THE MOVEMENT.

I bought fabric.

I bought patterns.

I got pregnant.

Annnnnnnnndddddddddddddd, all I wanted to do was lay around on my couch moaning about how tired I was and how much I hated ~~Hades~~ Phoenix and how hot it was ALL. THE. TIME. My motivation to sew was quickly replaced by a much stronger desire to eat ice cream. So. The skirts were never made.

Fast forward about 18 months. Baby is here. It is now getting hot in Utah (nothing like ~~Hades~~ Phoenix, but hot enough to question my return to the jean.). I'm about to move to Alabama. It was 98 degrees in Alabama today. I was sweating just thinking about that. And, in what has to be kismet, my sister has ALSO decided to join the casual skirt movement and has been sewing up a storm, making impossibly cute skirts (with pockets!). So, when she offered to take the fabric I had previously purchased and make a skirt for me, I did the happy dance! Happy DANCE! Step one in my grand plan to neither melt nor ever purchase shorts EVER AGAIN is underway.

THEN-imagine my jubliation when a store which shall not be named just down the street from me started selling knee length skirts for reasonable prices. Next to the bananas! NO TRIPS TO THE MALL, people. NO TRIPS TO THE MALL. It's like the universe was smiling on my decision to join the casual skirt movement. So, I actually purchased a skirt (with pockets!) and love it. I am on a roll, internet people!

Today, skirts! Tomorrow, THE WORLD.

Shameless Contest Entry Post

2011-06-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

Click me! http://ohhappyday.com/2011/06/goes-to-paris/

Enter to win a trip to Paris for 2!

Gratuitous picture of adorable baby!

(Unrelated to the contest,but provides some sense of purpose to this otherwise pointless post)

He really likes strawberries. A lot.

Well Hello!

2011-06-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

Hello Internet-
How are you? I'm good, mostly. It's been kind of a crazy couple of months, but overall I'd rate them a 6 on a scale of 1-10. What have we been up to? Well, I'm glad you asked, Internet, because we've been all sorts of busy around here. Quick rundown-
1. I've been rocking the "single working mom" thing. No, seriously. I should write a book. Can you feel the sarcasm, even through the vast nothingness of space, Internet? I sure hope so. In truth there have been days (I will not disclose how many) when I have lain (layed? laid?) in my bed at night and the only thought I had the energy to muster was "When was the last time I brushed my teeth?" For serious. For the record: parenting is at least a 2 person job. I totally understand the full-time nanny/mother's helper situation obscenely rich people have going on. If I am ever obscenely rich, I'm totally investigating that. 2 extra hands around all.the.time?! YES, PLEASE!
2. Despite the fact that many days are lived in a rather hazy state of half-wakefulness (I'm pretty sure I just made up that word and I LIKE IT), I am enjoying spending my time with the Cutest Little Human Ever. I'd post a picture to prove he's the Cutest Little Human Ever, but I don't want anyone to come steal him. Because of his cuteness and all.
3. My brother-in-law married pretty much the cutest girl ever and the CLHE and I got to spend time with them and the rest of the extended family for the wedding and the weekend. Super fun! We missed the Husband, but he was busy being GI Joe so, what can you do?
4. We (the CLHE and I) got to spend a grand total of, wait for it...20 hours (non consecutively, of course) with the Husband! It was fantastic until the whole getting on different planes and flying in different directions part of the visit. That part sucked rocks. And that's all I'm going to say about that.
5. While spending our 20 hours with the Husband, the CLHE and I also got to spend more time with my in-laws, who are made of awesome. That part of the visit did not suck rocks.
6. Work, while tiring (and sometimes tiresome) is not all that terrible these days and I am grateful that I have a job that allows me to be both a full-time employee and a full-time mom. Which means I have 2 full time jobs and a part time job. Which means I pretty much don't remember what sleeping is. But, neither does the Husband, who only has 1 full time job but whose days frequently end at 11pm and begin at 4:30am. (I'll take my jobs any day, thankyouverymuch. At least when I do sleep, it's in a bed and not a cot or on the ground.), So even though we are 1900 miles apart at the present, we have that in common.
7. We are approximately 2/3rds of the way through our time living in separate states! I only have 6 more weeks of single-parenthood (this time, at least). So, YAY!

Ermm...I think that pretty much covers it!

Lots of love, Internet!
-Me

I am obsessed...

2011-04-11T12:27:00.000-07:00

This is very bad. Very, very bad. I have a hard enough time concentrating on my work as it is, but this is making it darn near impossible.

Isaac's BCT class has a facebook page. With pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. This is pretty much the most fantastic thing ever. This shouldn't take up very much time, but most of the pictures are group shots, so I have to really look at them to see if I can find Isaac. It's like a scavenger hunt, only this isn't really a party and I should really be doing something much more productive. Alas, I cannot. I realize it doesn't make a hill of beans worth of difference whether I know the precise activities they are doing each day, but I am incapable of not checking 50 times a day. I told you, I am obsessed.

Being able to see pictures and read updates about what Isaac is doing made for a super fun conversation on the phone yesterday .I about gave him a heart attack when he called and the first thing I said was "You look tired and sick. Have you been sick?" After he recovered from the aforementioned heartattack, he was very confused and said he'd had a sinus infection and a nasty cough and wondered how on earth I could possibly know how he looked. I almost told him I'd developed the ability to astral-project and I was watching him, but then I figured he'd never buy that so I told him about the pictures. I was also able to ask rather specific questions about what they'd learned in first aid ("How on earth did you know we'd done first aid?!" Status updates, husband. Status. Updates.) and 'combatives' (hand-to-hand fighting; hilarious pictures. Hilarious). It was great. I wish I'd figured out a cover story before he called, because I'd have liked to be able to keep up the appearance of omniscence a little while longer.

I love it.

In Which I am Grateful...

2011-04-06T13:19:00.001-07:00

In a rather miraculous turn of events, the back issues that have made me miserable since Saturday are gone. Like, 100% gone. Much like the cause of the problem, there is no explanation for this change, but I am grateful. The world is looking much brighter today.

Hooray!

In Which I Complain...Bitterly and Without Remorse

2011-04-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

1. I have done something to my back. Bending, moving, sitting, standing, etc... leads to major pain. I have a 25 lb baby who likes to be held. You can imagine that this does not go well. I want to cry a lot. I don't cry because it scares the baby. But I want to. Oh, do I want to.
2. I am trying to decipher the stupid Tricare handbook and I have misplaced my urim and thummim, making this task virtually impossible. If anyone has a Tricare Rosetta Stone, please send it my way. I'm about to go a little nuts over here.
3. Have I mentioned that I have done something to my back? I have never had back problems in my life and now I can't really move...it's a serious problem.
4. If I have to tell one more person, one more time, at work that I DON'T KNOW WHEN/IF MY PROJECT PROPOSAL WILL BE APPROVED SO STOP ASKING ALREADY, I might actually throw something. Something big. Out a window, perhaps.
5. Plane tickets are outrageously expensive. Stupid airline industry. If I was a person who cussed, you'd be blushing, airline industry people. Sailors would be uncomfortable with my language...if I was a person who cussed, of course.
6. So, I've managed to hurt my back. Severely and without apparent cause. Poor Levi does not understand why mom moves at the speed of a sloth. He has needs, darn it. Sloth-mom is not meeting those needs nearly fast enough.
7. I do not manage people. I manage products, which is why my title is "Product Manager". If someone could please explain to me why I am being required to attend training specifically for managers, despite the fact that I DO NOT MANAGE PEOPLE, I would greatly appreciate it.
8. I cannot, for the life of me, convince one of my students that 9/10 is exactly the same score as 90/100. He is certain that they are different and that I am somehow intentionally lowering his score and making his grade lower. I've explained that a 90% is an A-, whether he's earned 90% of 10 points or 90% of 100 points and he.just.doesn't.get.it.
9. I would like it to be spring for real. Not this schizophrenic "spring" that cannot make up it's mind about whether it wants to be spring or winter. Give me sunshine, DARN IT.
10. My back is killing me. Killing.me.

That is all. Carry on.

Levi, the...Prodigy?

2011-03-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

The Setting: Target
The Cast of Characters: Erin, Levi, Random Woman
The Scene: Erin and Levi are shopping. Levi, as usual, is chatting with anyone and anything who will listen. He's very chatty. Doesn't say much, but likes the sound of his own voice.

Erin: Hey, Little Man, we still need to get you some pants!
Levi: AHHHHHHHHHHH, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, hysterical laughter, more unintelligable sounds....
Erin and Levi begin walking to the baby clothes as Random Woman walks by.

Levi: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Random Woman does classic double take.
Random Woman: Did he just say HI to me?! HOW OLD IS HE?!
Erin (Somewhat uncomfortably): Erm....he's 5 months old, but he's not really talking, he just likes to make noise.
Random Woman: No, I'm pretty sure he said HI! (Looks at Erin like Erin should be astounded and thrilled by this news)
Erin (100% sure that Levi did not, in fact, say anything to this woman): Well, that's great, he likes to make new friends...erm...
Random Woman: Wow! That's really young to start talking... (looks expectantly at Erin...perhaps she is expecting cartwheels?)
Erin: Ermm....well, he's um, he's um, pretty chatty...we'd better go get those pants.
Random Woman (in awe): He said HI to me!
Erin walks away murmuring quietly to Levi: She's what we call a "crazy person", Levi and we try to avoid them if at all possible...

End scene.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Miscellaneous Goings-On from the Past 6 weeks: A List

2011-03-04T07:00:00.001-07:00

1. Levi is now 4 months old. Apparently this means that he no longer likes to sleep. After about a month of sleeping through the night, he's back to waking up every 2-3 hours. We have super fun 1am, 3am and 5am parties at my house every.single.night. He's also still above 100% in height, weight and headsize. Go champ!

2. Levi also enjoys Veggie Tales and chatting with the ceiling fan. It's really, really funny. He tries to sing along with Veggie Tales and seems to enjoy his conversations with the fan. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's really talking. Hilarious. One of these days I'll get it on video.

2. I have been using the treadmill fairly regularly and eating fruit at an alarming rate. I've gained 12 pounds. Something about that just doesn't seem right. Or fair.

3. Isaac leaves for BCT this month. He had his "final" pre-ship (talking about it that way makes him sound like a FedEx package...) PFT (physical fitness test) today and did disgustingly well. Apparently the treadmill only hates me. Go figure.

4. I'm now, in addition to being on the Compassionate Service committee, teaching the 4th Sunday Relief Society lesson. This will be a grand adventure since Isaac won't be here when I start teaching this month. I'm hoping Mr. Chatty Pants will stay in the Moby wrap while I teach, otherwise I may have to send him to nursury just a little bit ahead of schedule. :-)

5. I really like instantly streaming movies from Netflix, Hulu etc...I never really watch TV anymore. It's 10 kinds of awesome.

6. At his 4 month check-up, Levi (a.k.a. Gigantor-NAME THAT MOVIE!) dazzled the PA with his awesome sitting up skills, but baffled her and the doctor with his unwillingness to roll over. Turns out, he's got a case of torticollis (stiffened muscles in one side of his neck/shoulder) and will be making friends with a physical therapist next week. Sigh... Hopefully fixing the torticollis will help him turn his head and (fingers crossed, people!) then he won't need a little helmet next month. He's built like a linebacker, it's true, but I think he's still a little young to start full-contact football, so we're trying to avoid the helmet.

7. Work is making me a little crazy. Since January, I have been instructed to start and stop and then start again on the same project no less than 3 times. Make up your mind, people! MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

8. Isaac, Levi and I are going on "vacation' next week before he leaves for BCT. It'll be fun! I'm looking forward to the break from work.

9. I finally read the Mistborn series. I know, I'm months and months behind the rest of the universe. It wasn't my favorite. I might have skipped vast chunks of the third book and then it ended exactly as I thought it would. Oh well.

10. I need something new to read. Any suggestions?

That is all. :-) Happy Friday!

A Public Service Announcement

2011-01-14T15:34:00.000-07:00

So. You know how dishwasher detergent doesn't have phosphates any more? And, you know how if you live anywhere with even slightly hard water everything comes out of the dishwasher covered in a film of white crap? And, you know how this makes your dishes look and feel dirty, even though they've been through the dishwasher? And the more they go through the dishwasher, the more said white crap builds up? And, you know how the "rinse agent" that's supposed to help does absolutely nothing to resolve the white filmy crap on your dishes problem? And trying to scrup the white filmy crap off your dishes is entirely unsuccessful? And you consider using CLR on your dishes but then decide that that's probably not the best plan since you, you know, eat off those dishes and all? And this whole situation just frustrates you to no end (or maybe that one's just me...)? Well. I have found a solution and as a public service, I am sharing it with you (although I recognize that perhaps you have already figured this out and I am just really,really slow. Maybe everyone already knows this and I just didn't get the memo. Don't tell me. I'm kind of feeling like a genius right now. Don't spoil it.)

The solution?

Diet Coke.

Not. even. kidding. Time for a small-ish chemistry lesson: Diet Coke has phosophoric acid in it. Phosphates are just a salt of phosophoric acid. Which means that, because a lack of phosphates caused this problem in the first place, the phosophoric acid in Diet Coke will get that white crap off your dishes. Visual proof:

See the bowl? See the dull, white, filmy crap? I took that bowl right out of the dishwasher! GROSS.

See the plate? Came out the same dishwasher cycle. It was covered in the same, white, filmy crap. It took a Diet Coke bath and...drum roll please...now it's sparkling, clear and clean. HAPPY DAY.

You're Welcome.

P.S. I used cheap, generic "Diet Cola". It's, like, 75 cents for a 2 liter bottle. I bought 4.

P.P.S. I seriously filled my sink up with it and soaked my dishes.

P.P.P.S. I keep touching my plates and glasses because they finally feel clean. Good thing I wash my hands a lot. I'm doing all my little rubbermaid containers next. I can't wait.

P.P.P.P.S. Make sure it's Diet Cola, otherwise you're going to end up with sparkling, sticky dishes. Which sort of defeats the purpose.

Awwww...

2010-12-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

Little Levi is 2 months old! He's also in the 100th percentile for height, weight and headsize. He's an overachiever. :-)
We had some pictures taken the other weekend and oh my goodness, so ridiculously cute! If you are in the market for some fabulous pictures and a super fun time, check out A-M Photography. We had a great time and Angie did such a fantastic job. Here are a few of my favorites:

Baby Fat (and not the cute kind)...

2010-12-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

3 weekends ago, I found myself headed to the mall, in search of new clothes. While I am close to my pre-pregnancy weight (notice I didn't say my "ideal" weight, merely my pre-this-must-be-what-a-baby-whale weighs, weight), pregnancy has left me lumpy in odd places and none of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit right. As anyone who knows me at all knows, I hate, with a burning passion, shopping for clothes. You can imagine, then, that the lumpiness combined with the prospect of facing a task I hate had left me in a less than stellar mood. Throw in some killer post-pregnancy hormones and this was a disaster waiting happen. I should have known better.

Before undertaking this task, I drove through a fast food place near the mall and bought myself a Diet Coke. I also threw caution to the wind and bought a cinnamon roll. I'm already lumpy, right? What's a cinnamon roll going to do? I pulled into a nearby parking lot to eat said cinnamon roll. I should have paid more attention to where I'd stopped to eat my fast-food breakfast...I looked up to see myself sitting 10 feet from the entrance to a "Curves" fitness center. Adding insult to injury, this particular "Curves" was getting a jump start on the New Year Resolution fitness buffs and had a sign across the front declaring, "Re-discover the "real" you in 30 minutes!" I thought,"HA! It'll take a whole lot more than 30 minutes to 're-discover' anything remotely resembling the 'real' me!" At which point I cried. Kind of a lot. HORMONAL, remember?! All this just added to my already black mood. Looking back on this, I think the universe was trying to tell me something at that moment. And that "something" was, 1. What on earth were you thinking, eating that disgusting cinnamon roll in the first place? and 2. Clothes shopping right now, a mere 4 weeks after having a baby and in the mood you are in, is a very, very bad plan.

I ignored the universe.

I attempted to find clothes. After multiple failed attempts which culminated in trying on a skirt that was 4 sizes larger than I usually wear (yes, 4.) only to find that it still didn't fit right (way too big in some places, while way too clingy in others. LUMPY, I TELL YOU!) I gave in and cried. Yes. That's right. I cried. Again. In the dressing room. At the mall. What? Did you think this was going to be some inspirational, "I came to terms with the fact that I am fat and lumpy and can't find clothes that fit and now I love myself just as I am!" kind of post?! Not a chance. I'm fat and lumpy and it's irritating and I hate it and I don't really 'do' inspirational.

Which brings me to my point. After spending the weekend and the better part of the next week in quite the bad mood, I determined to do something about the residual lumpiness. It took 2 weeks to get Isaac on board with my brilliant plan, but now: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!

It is being delivered on Monday. There will be no more crying in parking lots. Or dressing rooms.

The end.

Finally!

2010-11-18T15:40:00.000-07:00

Well. After a year (yes, you read that correctly A YEAR) of endless paperwork, dozens upon dozens of trips to the recruiting office, multiple physicals, a wide variety of tests and one flight to Phoenix for an interview, we finally received word this week that Isaac has officially been selected for Army flight training!

HOORAY!

The Warrant Officer Flight Training program is extremely competitive and we are so blessed that Isaac was chosen to enter the program. We are so excited to finally be moving forward and to have the very difficult and stressful application process behind us. Even though this means Isaac will be away for several months early next year to begin his training, I couldn't be more thrilled for him.

Happy dance!

3 Weeks!

2010-11-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

Our
little Levi is three weeks old today! It's amazing how much he's grown and changed in just that short time. We are so very blessed to have him in our family. And now, pictures!

His first bath. He was not a fan.Good thing my mom was there to help speed things up!

With my mom, the day after he was born.

With my dad. So cute!

Tummy time is exhausting!

Breastfeeding and I are NOT friends

2010-11-08T16:30:00.000-07:00

Remember how I had the easiest pregnancy in the history of pregnancy? Remember how I never got sick, didn't have any tragic pregnancy symptoms and then had the fastest labor ever? I think the universe has decided that I had it too easy and is now playing "catch up" on the unpleasantness. What is the problem you ask? Well, I shall tell you. It's nursing. It is not my favorite thing. Not even a little bit. I realize that this probably qualifies me for the "bad mom" club (does such a thing exist? Perhaps I should start one...) but it's true. I think I would rather go through labor on a daily basis than deal with all the unpleasantness that has come with nursing. I dislike feeling bruised and sore all the time. I dislike feeling nauseated whilst nursing or pumping. I dislike pumping during the day because I am working. I dislike supplementing with formula despite nursing and pumping 24/7 because my little Levi eats like a 250lb linebacker. I strongly dislike the mastitis that has developed and for which I am now taking large quantities of antibiotics. The list goes on and on ...all in all, nursing has not been a great experience for us. In other news, I am eternally grateful for Isaac, who was up all night with Levi so I could sleep and start to recover a bit from the fever/chills/nausea and excruciating pain of the last couple of days (see above...mastitis and all that).

And that concludes my complaining for today. Carry on.

Levi's Arrival: A brief history

2010-10-27T13:35:00.000-07:00

Since quite a few people have asked for details about Levi's birth, here are the essentials:

At around 10:30pm on Oct. 20th I noticed that the cramps I'd been having off and on for several days had become much more frequent and regular. I wasn't convinced that I was 'in labor' but thought that these cramps might be an early indication that real 'labor' might start soon. I went to bed only to discover that laying down was most definitely a bad plan; that made the contractions (which I still thought might just be "cramps")almost unbearable. Even though I wasn't sure if these were even real contractions, I figured I'd better time a few just to see if there was a pattern; sure enough, they were coming about 2-3 minutes apart! They weren't lasting very long and were more uncomfortable than they were painful (as long as I wasn't laying down) so I thought we probably still had a ways to go before "active" labor. Still, a little after 11pm, I told Isaac I thought I was in labor and asked him to go to Walmart to get a yoga ball. I'm pretty sure he didn't believe that I was actually in labor, but went to get the ball and got it all set up for me (incidentally, I'm not usually this unprepared, but I really didn't think I'd go into labor for several more days and had a plan to buy the ball "soon"...the best laid plans and all that). I labored through the contractions for another couple of hours, watching TV and sitting on the yoga ball until they were consistently 1 minute long and 2 minutes apart. At that point, I asked Isaac to call the midwife so we could meet her at the birth center. He did and we set off to the birth center. Even as we were leaving, I wasn't convinced this was "it"; I told Isaac that I would be extremely unhappy if this was a false alarm and they sent us home again. He laughed; I'm pretty sure he still wasn't convinced I was really in labor (who can blame him? I wasn't convinved I was really in labor) but off we went. We arrived at about 2:30am and got settled in with the student midwives; I found that as long as I sat on my little yoga ball and held Isaac's hands, I could relax and manage the contractions without too much trouble; they were uncomfortable, but not at all painful in the way I was expecting. Laying down or sitting on anything else was extremely unpleasant, so I stayed as much as I could with my little ball. Jeanetta, the midwife, arrived shortly after 3am, checked and announced that I was about 6cm dilated. Horray! This was "real" labor and we were going to have a baby soon. I moved to the birth tub and labored in the water through another 45 minutes or so of increasingly intense contractions. At about 3:45 I felt a ton of pressure to push and told Jeanetta; she checked again and told me I was ready to go; if I felt the urge to push I should go ahead. I did (holding onto Isaac's hands the whole time; his poor fingers) and after about 30 minutes of pushing, little Levi was born!

Things really did go that fast! From the time I was aware that I was having regular contractions to the time Levi was born was only about 6 hours. The labor and delivery went exactly as I hoped they would; Isaac was the best support I could have ever asked for, the birth center staff was amazing and little Levi is perfect. We are very blessed.

And now, a picture, just because I can:

I am now awake

2010-10-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

Hello World!

2010-10-22T17:09:00.000-07:00

My name is Levi!

P.S. My hat is skewampus because it is too big...don't judge me. :-)

Arizona Is Trying to Kill Me: Part 5

2010-08-26T11:12:00.001-07:00

Which is why it is a darn good thing we are moving. Tomorrow. HOORAY! But, I digress. In the past 2 years I have nearly died more times than I can count. I record the most harrowing experiences here, but trust me: there have been many, many more. And, I think AZ knows I am escaping soon because today this place tried to off me YET AGAIN. I'm lucky to be alive. Truly.

I was driving down the freeway, on my way to my last appointment with my AZ midwife, and nearly became the innards of a red-car sandwich. I was driving along in the middle lane, when a red Focus on my left and a red Toyota on my right both decided that they absolutely, positively, needed to get over right that second into the middle lane. Why? I do not know. Bigger problem: I WAS ALREADY IN THE MIDDLE LANE and BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM. I yelled, I honked and hit the brakes. This put me (mostly) out of their path, but then they nearly collided with each other as they each continued to merge. Did they think I was honking for FUN? Perhaps they thought it was it just a friendly "Good Morning" honk? Luckily, the driver of the red Toyota sped up and narrowly missed clipping the red Focus and we were all spared a 3 car pile up in the middle of the freeway but OH MY GOODNESS. My blood pressure was sky high when I got to the office...good thing I had to wait a while before my appointment so it could come down before my midwife saw how high it was and had a heart attack of her own.

SEE?! AZ is trying to kill me! Only about 36 hours left and then I'm safely out of this death trap...

Dear Easy-Off Oven Cleaner-

2010-08-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

I think you and I need to discuss the generally accepted definitions of the terms "Easy" and "Off". It would seem that you, dear Oven Cleaner, did not get the message that "easy" is generally used to mean "without significant effort" and "off" means, well, OFF. Combining these terms in the context of oven cleaning (which you purport to do) means that I will be able to get oven grime off the oven without significant effort. In this light, you, Easy-Off Oven Cleaner, are a complete failure. Perhaps a more accurate name for you would be "Plan on At Least an Hour of Concerted Scrubbing to Effectively Get ANYTHING-OFF Oven Cleaner". You have only ONE job. ONE. And you fail at it utterly and completely.

I hate you. Almost as much as I hate cleaning the oven and the Braxton-Hicks contractions that cleaning the oven caused. I'm going to lie down now.

You stink. Literally. (Notice I did not mention the issues I have with your advertising yourself as "fume free" and lemon-fresh". That's a topic for another day.)

With loathing (and pruny hands and a contracting tummy),

Erin

If you want something done right...

2010-07-26T10:20:00.001-07:00

just do it yourself.

This is an important life lesson. I was painfully reminded of this again today. And now, I have twin bruises on my arms as proof that trusting someone else to do a job for you is a bad.plan.

You see, today I had to have blood drawn (one of the many fabulous perks of being pregnant). Having blood drawn is, for me, a smallish problem. My little arm veins do not like being stabbed. They collapse rather quickly after being stabbed, which inevitably results in me being stabbed multiple times. I try to explain this fact to the little blood-draw-y people, but they usually don't listen to me.

I explained to "Brandon the Blood Guy" that attempting to draw 3 vials of blood from my right arm would be a mistake. I explained that it would not work and I would end up being stabbed multiple times and that this was a sure-fire way to make me Cranky and would he please just listen to me and use my left arm to start with? He tried to argue...

"The veins in your right arm are more prominent" he said.
"That's all part of their evil plot" I said, "I promise it won't work."
"Well, I suppose we can try your left arm" Brandon Blood-Guy replied
"Super" I said.

And we did. And he drew 2 vials of blood. And he stopped. He de-needled me. My arm immediately developed a large blood red bump (does this everytime...I tried to warn him...) I wondered what on earth he was doing since I can read and the order specifically said 3 vials. He paused. He read the order again. He said. "I'll be right back." He returned. Sheepish. "We need to do that again" he said.

"I know." I replied with a deep sigh. "I suppose it won't work to poke the same place again?"

He looks, he sees the large red/purple bump bruisy thing that has already developed on my arm. "No, that won't work..." He begins to inspect both arms, front and back, wrists, hands etc...looking for a suitable place to stab. He finally settles on one. In my right arm. "It probably won't work" I say.

"Well, let's give it a try" Brandon the Blood Guy says. And he stabs me. And it worked. For about 2 seconds. Then it collapsed. As I said it would. And he said "That will have to be enough; I'm not poking you again."

I was grateful. And bruised. And also annoyed. For one, brief, shining moment, it seemed that I would get of out the lab with only 1 stab wound and 1 large bruise. Alas, it was not to be. And now I am looking into Blood Drawing Person School because really, this cannot possibly be a difficult job and, clearly, the people currently doing this job are incompetent. So, from now on, I'm just doing it myself.

Insomnia...

2010-07-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it is now after midnight and I am not asleep. This is an astonishing fact because I am most decidedly not a night person. I really could (and usually do) go to bed before 10:00 every single day. However, today, I broke my cardinal rule of sleeping: Thou Shalt Only Sleep at Night. You see, I have a very...tempermental sleep schedule and, as I explained to Morgan last week, only get "one shot" at sleeping in any given day. If I nap that's my one chance and I'll be up all night. Despite being quite aware of this fact, I broke my rule and laid down today after work. I had a splitting headache and thought if I could just lay down for a little while I'd feel better. Tragically, a "little while" turned into 2 hours and now I am awake. Typing away. At 12:15 AM. I'm sure you are thrilled with my insomnia; you get to read rather detailed descriptions of my circadian rhythms and really, who doesn't want to read that? I'm doing you a favor here. Be grateful. :-)
I suppose in some ways, my inability to sleep tonight is a good thing. I managed to baste an entire quilt, so now it is ready to finish tomorrow (I'd start the quilting tonight, but I worry that the noise of the sewing machine would wake Isaac; we live in a shoebox and sound carries unbelievably well....). After I finish these musings, I'll move on to grading some work for my adjunct teaching classes and just be oh-so-productive. Who knows? Maybe I'll adopt an entirely nocturnal schedule from now on. I'll be like a vampire; work all night, sleep all day. I hear vampires are very popular these days...
Speaking of vampires: whilst at the airport last week, waiting to fly home from Salt Lake, I saw a young man wearing a shirt that said, "And then Buffy staked Edward. The end". I laughed right out loud and many people turned to look at me. At which point I also started looking around, as if trying to find the source of the laughter. I don't think I fooled anyone, but it made me feel better.
Hmm...turns out I don't really have much to say at 12:25 in the morning. I suppose I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing (which I am sure was much more productive than reading this post) and I'll move on to that grading. Heaven knows it won't grade itself.
Happy Wednesday!

In Which I Brag (Just a Little)

2010-07-09T14:22:00.001-07:00

A few years ago, Isaac and I decided that we were going to work really hard to
1. Get out of debt (including student loans) and
2. Stay out of debt.

We paid off our car and credit card balances and, for the last couple of years, we've been able to live completely without consumer debt, which (for us) is a pretty big accomplishment (that's not the bragging part). We've just gotten in the habit of saving up for the things we want/need and it's a great system. We're still working on the student loan situation, but that's going to take more than just a couple years and, in the meantime, we needed to make sure we were on track to accomplish #2 (Stay out of debt). Staying debt-free meant having a fully funded emergency fund and let me tell you, saving 4-6 months of living expenses is hard. It seems like every time we'd get close to getting it "fully funded" something would come up and the little emergency fund would take a hit. Still, we always kept trying and...

WE'VE FINALLY DONE IT!

Yes, folks, that is correct, we have a real-life, honest-to-goodness emergency fund that will enable us to live, even without any income, for 4-6 months! Picture me doing the happy dance...Dance, Erin, Dance!

If we can do it, you can too! And, imagine how fun it will be to do your very own Happy Dance!

Embracing Nerd-dom

2010-06-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

I am a nerd and I can admit it:

I really, really want to go to the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter in Orlando.

Almost as much as I want to go to Ireland.

Let the judging begin.

Highly Entertaining Conversation:

2010-06-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

Student: I'm just so frustrated! I feel like there is so much I have to know for this test!
Erin: Yes, final exams for history courses can be intimidating
Student (with extreme indignation): And, it's not even multiple choice! It's essays! Which means I have to actually have all this stuff in my head! I have to actually know it! I can't just fake my way through. At least on multiple choice, I can guess!
Erin: Ermmm...yes, well, that is sort of the point of a, you know, final exam and all that...

The Verdict Is In!

2010-05-27T15:51:00.001-07:00

What's Your Guess?

2010-05-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

So, the husband and I have decided that we will, indeed, be learning the gender of The Blob. Well, I should say that I have decided. I think he's always assumed we would find out and I have been the one on the fence. But, I have decided to end my time as a fence sitter and embrace the fact that it is simply easier to plan for The Blob's arrival if we know what kind of Blob The Blob will be. So, we are going to find out. The established date of discovery is next Thursday (May 27th).

In light of this thrilling (sort of thrilling? ho hum?) event, I am now taking guesses. That's right, I am celebrating the upcoming arrival of Blob (or Blobette) Montague by wagering on his/her gender.

To play my little game: post a comment with your guess! If you're right you will win the satisfaction of knowing that you guessed correctly in a game of chance in which your odds of being correct were 50/50! And, if pregnancy brain doesn't get the better of me, I might send you something. Who knows? It will be a terrific surprise!

Don't be shy; comment away!

Dear Nature's Own Bread Company,

2010-05-14T17:35:00.000-07:00

PR advice: when a customer informs you that she has found a fly baked into a loaf of your bread, it would be wise to offer compensation other than a $.55 cent coupon for another loaf of your bread. Seriously. Otherwise, said disgruntled customer is going to blog about your pathetic attempt to make things "right" and tell everyone she has ever known not to purchase your product.

You stink,
Erin

P.S. Telling me that "In 13 years we've never had a bug in our product!" does not reassure me.

P.P.S. The man who came to "collect the evidence" was very gracious. You should put him in charge of PR, because whoever's doing covering PR now is really, really incompetent.

Win Free Stuff!

2010-05-11T16:10:00.003-07:00

Hey All-
We're hosting a great giveaway on The Diet Coke Diet blog! Click here to learn more about it and to enter!

And so, I starve...

2010-05-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I made a rather large pan of cheesy chicken and noodles (which is also supposed to have broccoli in it, but because I really despise cooked broccoli, I never actually put the broccoli in) for our dinner (that we ate at 7:45 because church goes until 6pm, which means we don't get home until 6:30 or later...I hate our church time). We ate. It was lovely. I was thinking how happy I would be today because of all the lovely cheesy chicken and noodles left-overs that I would have for lunch...mmmmm left-overs.

Tragically, there will be no left-overs.

Why, you ask? Because I forgot to put the left-overs in the fridge. Instead, said left-overs sat on the stove all night long and became a congealed blob of disgusting-ness. Tragic, I tell you. And, to make matters worse, all night I kept feeling like I was forgetting something (which, clearly, I was) but could not figure out what that "something" might be. Until this morning. When I made breakfast. And saw the congealed blob of disgusting-ness sitting on the stove. And cried just a little.

I died a little as I scraped it out of the pan and into the trash.Good-bye, lunch! So, now, I starve. Well, at least until I gather the strength to go make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. My life is truly so, so hard.

Just Me?

2010-04-29T07:53:00.000-07:00

Am I the only one who, when entering a password online, has to completely delete it and start all over if I make a mistake or even suspect I made a mistake?

Anyone else?

Just me?

Pregnancy Is Weird

2010-04-24T08:59:00.001-07:00

So. I eat all the time. Seriously. I can't eat very much at one time, so I compensate by grazing like a cow. It's a good system. And, apparently, this new way to eat agrees with me because I've lost 10 lbs. Yup. 10 lbs.And, trust me, I am not complaining. I have been told by multiple people, including my midwife, that this not something to worry about. That's not the weird part.

The weird part is to watch oneself lose weight whilst simulataneously buying larger clothing. Pregnancy is weird.

Adding Insult to Injury...

2010-04-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

In addition to sneezing more times than I can count (11 times in a row yesterday. I think that is a new record). I now have hives all over my face, neck and chest. Super.

Any suggestions for allergy medication a pregnant person can take without creating a cyclops baby?

Time Management Tips at The Diet Coke Diet!

2010-04-14T20:48:00.000-07:00

Want to get some ideas for how to manage your (and your family's) busy lives? I've posted some time management tips over on the Diet Coke Diet!
Go take a look and, feel free to share your ideas in the comments!

http://www.thedietcokediet.com/2010/04/staying-organized-time-management.html

Arizona is Trying to Kill Me: Part 4

2010-04-09T07:35:00.002-07:00

It is now 7:33am.

I have sneezed 172 times since I woke up at 6:12 am.

That is approximately 2 sneezes per minute.

That's one sneeze every 30 seconds.

I don't even have time to recover from the first before the next comes.

I think I am doing permanent damage.

Brain damage.

I am allergic to this state.

Yes, the whole state.

No, I am not being melodramatic.

In the time it has taken me to write this post I have sneezed 9 times.

That ups my average to 4.1 sneezes per minute.

It's getting worse.

Heaven help me.

Dear Person at Work-

2010-04-07T09:18:00.002-07:00

You know what would be super? If, when you arbitrarily decide to change a deadline, you actually told me. You see, I am not a mind reader and so I was unable to use my magical powers to discern that you had decided to move the deadline up by a week. I know you probably think that this is just an excuse, I mean, if I was a good employee, if I really cared about this project then I would just know what the expectation was? Right? Rubbish. How hard is it to send an email? HOW HARD?!

With annoyance,
Erin

P.S. You're not going to get the project today. Not tomorrow, either. Maybe next week. We'll see.

P.P.S. I am a little sorry about the tone I used over the phone to remind you that you had failed to share any of this, rather important, information with me. After all, it isn't your fault you are an idiot. I should have more compassion. I'm working on it. Right after I finish this project.

P.P.P.S. Because of you, I am now listening to Jon Schmidt on continuous repeat in a futile attempt to calm the heck down. I loathe you.

Dear Sister Snow,

2010-04-06T15:08:00.001-07:00

I know it's been, like, 100 years since you walked on this earth, but can we be friends anyway? I've always wanted to see a ~~ghost~~ angel. And, this is probably the best quote I've heard in years and years. You rock. Even though you are, ahem, dead.

"We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and holy ones. In an organized capacity, we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the kingdom of God.
Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated, but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know that the Lord has laid high responsibility on us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has planted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling and qualifying for those responsibilities."

I'm pretty sure that if I embroidered (maybe you could teach me?) I'd be embroidering this on a pillow. Or a blanket, cuz it's kind of long.

Your friend,

Erin

P.S. Sister Beck, you're pretty cool too. Loved your talk. Loved it. And you have the distinct advantage of being alive, so maybe we could be friends? Think about it and let me know!

Dear Little Phelbotomist Girl,

2010-03-31T19:59:00.000-07:00

When I said "It won't work to use the vein in my right arm," I was not just being difficult. Laughing and saying "Oh, it'll be fine!" is not going to make it actually be fine. Many, many people (much more experienced than you, judging by the fact that you looked to be approximately 10 years old) have attempted to draw blood from my right arm and have failed miserably. I was sharing this information so I could avoid being stuck multiple times in both arms, as usually happens because people insist on trying my right arm first. Thus, when you poked my right arm anyway and the vein collapsed it took every ounce of my self restraint not to say "I told you so." I tried hard to disguise my frustration and annoyance, but seriously. I warned you. Twice. And now my arms are bruised and sore and it is all your fault. So, thanks for that. Next time, listen to me.

Sincerely,
Erin

I blame the Blob...

2010-03-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

Today I went grocery shopping, as I do just about every Monday. Whilst grocery shopping I was overcome with the desire to eat macaroni and cheese. Not good macaroni and cheese, either. I wanted fake, from a box, made with radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese.
This was, at first, rather distressing to me as I have never actually purchased or voluntarily eaten fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese. Nevertheless, it was all I could think about. Seriously, I was suddenly starving and all I wanted in the whole wide world was fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese. I gave in. It took 10 minutes to find the fake, from a box, radioactive, orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese (did you know that it is not in the pasta aisle? Neither did I. It is in the same aisle as canned vegetables. I do not know why.). When I finally found fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese I was overcome with indecision. Turns out, there are approximately 10 million different kinds of fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese. I was positively paralyzed with indecision. Do I buy the 'original' version? The generic version? The organic version? The "whole grain" version? White Chedder? Spiral noodles? WHAT TO DO!??? Finally, I did the only logical thing. I bought 5 different kinds. Trust me, this made perfect sense at the time. Why wouldn't I buy 5 boxes of the macaroni and cheese? Once I returned home, I "cooked" the "original" flavor. The 7 minutes it took for the noodles to boil were the longest 7 minutes in my life. And, may I say, it was the best lunch I've had in quite some time. I had the leftovers for dinner. And now, I am pretty sure I never want to eat fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese ever again. Do you think the grocery store will take the rest of the boxes back if I explain that the Blob made me do it?

P.S. I mean "Blob" with all the affection an expectant mother can muster. Really, I do. Don't call DCFS.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

2010-03-15T19:02:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time. Hmmm...it just occurred to me that it's almost always "been a long time" when I finally get around to updating this little blog. It'd probably be okay if I stopped announcing that fact like it was somehow an astonishing revelation. Anyway, moving on.
I've realized several things lately and I, for reasons unknown, feel compelled to share. So now, I subject you to:

Random Goings On at the Montague's

1. I realized the other day that, more than just being annoying, clutter makes me crazy. I literally cannot concentrate or think about anything else if things are clutter-y and messy. This is a problem because we live in a tiny apartment and we, despite my frenzied New Year's purging, have too much stuff. I really, really don't like it when stuff doesn't have a 'home'. I should learn how to weave baskets because I buy them with astonishing regularity. I like to put stuff away. Everything must have a home. This need to put stuff away borders on a compulsion.

3. Isaac is doing a triathlon later this month. He rocks. I am not doing a triathlon because I currently resemble a small-ish whale. Maybe next year.

2. I am the luckiest pregnant person on earth. Seriously. As soon as someone hears I am pregnant and still early in my pregnancy, each and every person I talk to feels compelled to tell me all the horror stories they have ever heard or experienced. I have heard about women throwing up 10 times a day. I have heard about women having to be hooked up to IV fluids for the better part of the first trimester. I have heard about debilitating exhaustion, endless migraines, constant feelings of starvation, endless blood tests, skyrocketing blood pressure...the list goes on and on and on. I have had none of these. I have not felt sick. Other than 1 incredibly unpleasant headache several weeks ago, I have had absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms. Of course, now that I have said all that, I am going to start throwing up 10 times a day and be unable to get out of bed in the morning, but until that happens, I'm going to continue to consider myself the luckiest pregnant person ever. This is even the opinion of my midwife, who upon hearing that I haven't been sick or otherwise unpleasantly affected, pronounced "You're just lucky!". Yup, I am.

3. I have now started, but not finished, 3 different quilts. I'm sure I'll finish them eventually. I like having more than one project going on at once. No good reason why.

4. My little brother leaves for Brazil and his mission this Wednesday. He's very excited and we are all very proud of him for deciding to go. He'll be great!

5. I haven't purchased bread from a store in almost 3 months. I've been making our bread and it is great. I much prefer homemade bread to every single store bought brand I have ever tried. Since I work from home, I can start it in the morning and let it do it's rising thing during the day and finish it up before dinner. It's a great system. I highly recommend it.

6. Isaac and I really want to take a vacation before the baby comes, but thanks to the IRS and the US Tax Code, most of our vacation money has been otherwise spoken for. So, we need ideas for a cheap vacation. Preferably somewhere warm. Or, if someone would like to gift us with a vacation to Europe, we'd take that too. Consider it an early birthday present for the baby. No takers? Didn't think so. Suggestions would be appreciated.

8. I am now a regular contributer to The Diet Coke Diet blog, started by none other than my industrious little sister Morgan. It is a repository of all things quick, inexpensive and useful. Come visit us! You can read my inaugural posts! They'll teach you how to make a baby quilt (you know you want to!). I'll be posting on Wednesdays and Thursdays for the foreseeable future.

7. Why do all books of names call themselves some variation of "Baby name book"? You're not really naming a baby, you're naming a person. A baby is only a baby for like 1/100th of his/her life. Thinking you are naming a baby is how people end up with names like "Cookie"-maybe cute for a 3 month old. Not so cute for a 30 year old. Why not call them 'Name books' or "Names for future adults"? I'm writing a name book and calling it "Erin's Giant Book of Names for People" Cookie will not appear in this book.

That is all.

Hey! I'm Over Here Today! Come Sew With Me!

2010-03-03T07:32:00.002-07:00

Click on over to the Diet Coke Diet Blog to learn how to make a baby quilt! You know you want to! I'm a great teacher. ;-)

Flannel Baby Quilt (Click me! Be crafty! Be creative! You can do it!)

Indeed.

2010-02-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

Still Alive...

2010-02-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hello World! How have you been? In case you were wondering, we are indeed still alive and well. Busy, as usual, but alive and well.
That is all.

Dear JoAnne Fabric and Crafts:

2010-01-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

****Disclaimer: The following memo may be 1)completely boring and 2)completely incomprehensible to anyone who doesn't sew regularly. I apologize in advance. Feel free to return to your regularly scheduled activities.****

I am so over you. Seriously. I have often questioned the legitimacy of your "sales" and the quality of your products, but this was the last straw. I would like to know how it is possible that, out of 30 (yes, 30)quarter flats purchased from your store, exactly 10 are use-able? Really, I'd like to hear an explanation, because this is ridiculous. I would think that a store that purports to be a "fabric" retailer would understand that it should not use permanent adhesive to hold said quarter flats together. And yet, I just spent an inordinate amount of time trying to peel, scrape, rub and wash the adhesive off the fabric. While doing so, I discovered that the fabric itself was of such low quality that even the gentlest rubbing and washing left holes. Really? I mean, I didn't expect the highest quality fabric to begin with, but this is beyond absurd.
I recently resolved to frequent my LQS and knitting boutique more regularly because, even though their prices are slightly more expensive, I want to support local businesses. This incident only furthers my resolve. Now, I am also confident that the quality of the products far exceeds yours and that I will actually be able to use the items I purchased.
In short, I cannot imagine a reason for me to return to your store. Goodbye forever.
With extreme annoyance,
Erin

Dear Student,

2010-01-25T09:53:00.000-07:00

Since you are clearly not very bright, allow me to offer some advice:
When you purchase a paper off the internet and turn it in as if you wrote it yourself, do not attempt to make it look like you wrote the paper by including a "reference page". I will check the reference(s) you list. When I discover that the reference listed therein is, in actuality, the site from which you purchased the paper, I will think you are the stupidest person on earth. And then, I will laugh at you. And show my husband what you did. And he will laugh at you. Then, I will blog about you and everyone I have ever known will laugh at you. Because that's the kind of teacher I am.

Sincerely,
Erin

Arizona is Trying to Kill Me: Part 3

2010-01-15T12:44:00.001-07:00

Today, as I was driving home from the grocery store I saw two very large black birds sitting atop the power poles that line our apartment complex parking lot. I didn't think too much of this at first because there are quite a few large water birds that perch up there from time to time (taking a break from the pond below, I always assume) but as I looked more closely I realized these birds were not, in fact, large cranes. They were VULTURES. Giant, bald, red-headed vultures. Just sitting up there. Looking at me while I unloaded my groceries.

Not only is Arizona trying to kill me, but the vultures are already lying (well, sitting) in wait, ready to pounce...it's more than a little disturbing.

Dear Hanna Rosin,

2010-01-11T11:12:00.001-07:00

Today, I was clicking through a variety of articles and came across your "discussion" of the HBO television show "Big Love" on the XX Factor blog. Having never seen the show, I was interested to read an explanation of what, exactly, some people find so appealing about it. Unfortunately, I did not get very far into your piece before I was so monumentally annoyed that I couldn't continue reading. Since I couldn't find a way to contact you directly, I thought I'd share my complaint with you in this forum.

It seems you are treating Big Love as a documentary. Watching Big Love in an attempt to understand the FDLS culture or, worse, Latter-day Saint (Mormon) culture is just absurd. The television program is FICTIONAL. The characters and story lines of this show reflect the imaginations of the writing team and nothing more.

You repeatedly refer to members of the FLDS sect and the characters on "Big Love" as "Mormons." You even state that Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon prophet." You repeatedly compare the experiences of the characters on the show to what you perceive to be the experiences of actual Mormons. Apparently, you must not know many, or any, actual Mormons because you even went so far as to compare the male lead of the program to Mitt Romney. While I understand you are writing a blog and not a "serious" news article, it would seem to me that you would want to ensure your facts are accurate before posting to a forum that hundreds, even thousands, of people read. Since you didn't validate your information before publishing your article, allow me to offer several corrections that you may consider publishing now:

1.Members of the FLDS faith are not Mormons.
2. Warren Jeffs is not a Mormon prophet. Nor has he ever been. Nor will he ever be. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet and leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
2.Mormons do not practice polygamy.
3.Mormons have not practiced polygamy for over 100 years. In fact, any member of the LDS Church (Mormon) who is found to be practicing polygamy is excommunicated.

If you would like to know more about what Latter-day Saints (Mormons) actually believe I invite you to visit mormon.org. If you would like to learn more about the lives of actual Latter-day Saint women, rather than assuming the fictitious lives of the characters on Big Love represent anything even approaching reality, I invite you to visit Mormon Mommy Blogs. There, you will find hundreds of blogs written by actual Mormon women that describe and discuss the reality of Latter-day Saint living and culture. I promise, you won't find a single polygamist in the bunch.

Thanks so much,
Erin

New Year, New You. Part Two

2010-01-07T20:52:00.001-07:00

A resolution is not a resolution without accountability and apparently people really like being accountable to nameless, faceless people on the internet. I say this because everyone and their grandmother is posting "Look at how well I did following my 600 resolutions". This is apparently how resolutions are done in the 21st century. Because I am a 21st century girl,I give you:

"How Erin Did Following Her New Year in A Week Resolutions"

1. Organize the apartment
I did quite well, thankyouverymuch. Closets, cabinets, under the bed, behind the couch, behind the dryer (Well, hello socks! I haven't seen you in months!) etc..etc..have now been purged, cleaned and organized. I should really be a professional organizer. It's a gift.

2. Do something about my hair which is out of control.
Done. Hair is short, no longer greying and no longer out of control. I also cannot eat for about 2 weeks because apparently having one's hair done now requires a small fortune and/or the promise of your first born to the cosmotology industry. As I am without a first born, I had to cough up the small fortune.

3. Read more.
I keep seeing lists of books people have read in the past year and lists of books people plan to read in the new year. I will spare you. But, since I was all motivated and stuff for a week, I read 7 books. And yes, that means I read a book a day. Feel free to be impressed.

4. Exercise regularly.
Done. I exercised 4 times this week. It's a miracle! And, since I have only resolutions that can be accomplished in a week, I am DONE. Whew. Hard work, that working out. Good thing I have 51 weeks to recover before I have to do it again.

5. Cook more meals at home.
Epic. Fail. Isaac and I just like to eat out. It's a curse. But, we gave it a shot and I'm sure we'll try again for the first week of 2011. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again and all that jazz...

So, there you have it! 2010 resolutions were, on the whole, a spectacular success. I can't wait for next year to try it all again!

New Year, New You.

2010-01-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

So. My lovely sister wrote a pretty fantastic post about setting and keeping all those pesky resolutions. It's great advice. I will completely ignore it, but it really is great advice.
Instead, I will be following my very own plan for actually accomplishing all sorts of things this New Year and trust me, it is an awesome plan.

You know how you start the new year full of energy and enthusiasm? This year, you are really going to do all those fantastic things you have always talked about. This year, you are going to be better. And then, if you are like me, by about January 7th you've not only completely given up, but you've actually forgotten why you wanted to make any changes in the first place? Well. This plan is perfect if you are anything at all like moi. I call it:

Erin's Fabulous New Year In a Week Resolution Plan.

Since you're all motivated for about a week, why on earth would you set resolutions that take months to accomplish? That's setting yourself up for failure people and here at Two Montagues, we are all about success. So. This year, I have set only resolutions I can accomplish in 7 days or less and let me tell you, it. is. AWESOME. The sense of accomplishment is amazing. Clean out closets? Check (it took an hour, well within the 7 day rule). Organize storage room? Check! Purge and reorganize our books and bookselves? Check. Take an enormous pile of crap to Goodwill? Check! Do something about my hair which is beyond out of control? Appointment is on Tuesday at 10.
SEE?! By the 7th, I'll have accomplished so much, I'll be set for the rest of the year.
Awesome, I tell you. Awesome.

Best Weight Loss Challenge EVER!

2009-12-30T13:41:00.002-07:00

Go Here:
http://granolasdodallas.blogspot.com/2009/12/fantastic-asstastic-photo-voto.html

Read. Be amused. Also, be warned...the word "ass" appears frequently; you'll understand why when you read it. It's amusing. Trust me.

I'm in. Are you?

I Rock!

2009-12-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

Christmas Shopping for 23 adults and a variety of children....done in 2 hours!

Go. Me.

Memos

2009-12-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Jon Schmidt et al,
The concert last night was fantastic! My husband and I were so impressed. You and those who worked with you are incredibly talented and such fun to watch and listen to. Thanks for a great performance!
Sincerely,
Erin

Dear Audience at the Jon Schmidt Concert,
You. Suck. Seriously. Were you people raised in a barn? I have been in audiences made up entirely of high school students that were more respectful and well-behaved than you people. Who on earth comes to a concert late and thinks "I know, I will call the people I am meeting in the middle of the performance so they can tell me where to sit?" rather than just waiting till you can see, or taking an available seat until intermission? And who the (*^&% actually answers their phone and starts to talk in the middle of the performance!? Is it so hard to just wait a moment at the back of the auditorium so that you don't interrupt the entire concert?
Additionally, I cannot believe I had to ask a grown man to turn off his phone so it would stop buzzing and blinding me everytime he got a text message. Twice. I had to ask you twice. Unless someone has died, there is no information being texted to you that is that important. And, if there is information you must have that instant, then leave!And to the person sitting next to Isaac who thought "covering" your phone with one hand while texting with the other was acceptable, all you did was create a strobe light effect. Super. Annoying. At least Isaac only had to ask you once to knock it off. And who the (^&% thinks it is acceptable to talk, non-stop throughout an entire concert? You are lucky I only had to bust out my "I will kill you with my eyes" stare once, otherwise, you might be dead.
Finally, I know he/she is cute and cuddly and all that jazz, but please, for the love of everything holy, leave your baby with a sitter. That is what a babysitter is for.

Raised in a barn, I tell you.

Sincerely,
Erin

An Ode to the Marshmallow

2009-12-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

Erin's Top 5 Reasons to Love the Marshmallow
1. Marshmallows are soft and squishy, without having the disgusting slimy texture that so many other soft and squishy foods have (like cooked carrots: soft, squishy, but also slimy. No. Bueno.). Given the soft and squishy nature of the marshmallow, they are also a silent food. You could be very stealthy eating a marshmallow.
2. Marshmallows are sweet without being overpowering. Pixie Stix=sweet, but too sweet. Marshmallows (unless you ate a whole bag)=perfect level of sweet.
3. Marshmallows are versatile. They can be eaten as is, they can be made into new and delightful candies, they can be baked, roasted, fried (never actually tried that, but I am assuming that if you can fry a jelly bean, you can fry a marshmallow). They can be added to puddings, cakes, ice cream, fruit salads. Without marshmallows there would be no easy to prepare cereal treats. Marshmallows come in a variety of flavors. Marshmallows can be big or small. Marshmallows can be found in a jar or a bag. Marshmallows are versatile.
4. Marshmallows are a science experiment and a food. Have you ever microwaved a marshmallow? Try it sometime and you will learn a great deal about the expansion of hot air (put the marshmallows into a container you are not emotionally attached to because marshmallows are also sticky). Excellent teaching tool.
5. Marshmallows are low in calories. Are you trying to follow a soul crushing, no-fun-allowed diet? Well. A marshmallow has only 25 calories. You could eat four and have yourself a perfectly lovely 100 calorie snack that's almost like eating candy. You could space those 4 out over the whole day and have a little treat whenever you wanted. You're welcome.

I Couldn't Make This Up If I Tried...

2009-12-04T18:44:00.002-07:00

Apparently, it might snow here in grand ol' AZ. Trust me, I am not holding my breath. However, the local news thinks this is quite the Event. In an attempt to educate the general public, one local station just offered helpful tips for handling a snow "storm". First on the list?
Come on, guess! Alright, I'll tell you...

Do not stop your car to play in the snow

Wow. Just, wow.

Further Proof That Life is Fundamentally Unfair...

2009-12-01T12:10:00.001-07:00

Isaac and I have been "working out" consistently for about 2 weeks now. Weight loss tally:

Isaac: -10 lbs
Erin: +3 lbs

Why do I even bother?

In Which the Montagues Get in Shape...Sort of.

2009-11-19T14:42:00.005-07:00

So. Recently the intrepid Husband and I have decided to return to "working out" (a phrase I don't really understand...but, whatever). You see, we both used to be ridiculously active/athletic/fit and trim. Seriously. STOP LAUGHING! We were. We both used to excerise regularly. At one point in my life, I ran 5-7 miles a day. Everyday. 'Cuz I am awesome like that (okay, I was awesome like that). However, we have now devolved into ridiculously inactive/unathletic/roundish. For Isaac, this change came on over the past year as he confronted 14 hour work/school days and perpetual exhaustion. For me, well, let's say I've been working on my Guinness Record for "The World's Only Perfectly Spherical Human" for quite some time now. I was nearly there too...it's a pity to quit this close to the prize. Nevertheless, we have recently re-located our motivation and have begun to exercise on a regular basis. It's been about a week now and, let me tell you, IT SUCKS.
We went "running" yesterday. And by "we went running" I mean Isaac ran and I plodded along and yelled "How much longer?!" and "That's impossible! Show me the watch! What are you trying to do, kill me?!" at regular intervals. And the longer I ran, the more shrill I became. I am sure I was a delight to be around. A delight. 2 minutes of running, followed by 2 minutes of walking (repeat 7 times) nearly killed me AND I USED TO RUN EVERYDAY. Turns out "getting in shape" is about a MILLION times harder than "staying in shape". But, alas, I am committed. I have a schedule, a chart, a menu; the whole nine yards. All because, although the Guinness Record would be cool and all, I really don't want to resemble a human basketball anymore.

And Then There Was One...

2009-11-12T07:35:00.004-07:00

Remember when I explained that I have an intense dislike/fear of shopping? And that because of said intense dislike/fear of shopping I own only 2 pairs of pants? And remember when I said I wouldn't know what to do if I ever needed to buy more pants?

THAT DAY HAS COME. My tempermental dryer, which has only 2 temperature settings- "nearly hot enough to melt steel" and "just barely warm enough to actually dry the clothes"-has shrunk one of my pairs of jeans and now they look like they belong on a woman 3 inches shorter and about 50lbs lighter. Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP.

Does anyone out there want to go shopping for me? Anyone? Anyone? I'll pay you and make you cookies and if you do a really good job, I'll even sew something pretty for you. Please? PLEASE?

Dear Manufacturer of the "Permanent" Fabric Dye,

2009-10-28T15:40:00.002-07:00

So. Apparently you and I have different definitions of "permanent". You see, for me that means "will not wash off, rub off or otherwise disappear". Except, your "permanent" dye actually did wash out, rub off and disappear. Now, my hands, sink and various kitchen utensils are dyed black-ish blue and I am hoping the non-permanance of your permanent dye extends to materials other than fabric. We'll see.

Also, while we are discussing the new colors of the various objects your dye came in contact with; I was under the impression that there was a rather universal understanding of the color "black". Apparently, I was wrong about that too-since the very thing I tried to dye permanently black today is now actually a lovely shade of violet and consistently bleeding copious amounts of blue-ish black dye which is dying everything it touches-EXCEPT THE FABRIC. Thanks for that. You stink.

Sincerely,
Erin

An Actual Conversation:

2009-10-16T07:35:00.003-07:00

Yesterday, I was working with several students who had failed one of their exams and were preparing for their re-take (at my new job, failure isn't an option-you work until you pass. Whether you want to or not. :-) ).
In the course of this work I had the following conversation:

Me: Hi! I'm glad we are able to touch base before you retake the exam. Do you have any specific areas that you feel you need to focus on?
Student: Well, umm, pretty much all of it. I just didn't remember anything when I took the test.
Me: Okay, well then, let's talk about how you can improve your study habits, so you'll remember more of what you read.
Student: Read?
Me: Yes, so that when you read the textbook you'll be able to remember more of what you learn.
Student: Ummmm....what textbook?

I love being a teacher.

Read This.

2009-10-09T14:12:00.005-07:00

http://www.good.is/post/african-dynamo/?GT1=48001

Then, watch this:
http://missingpiecesvideo.com/kamkwamba/movingwindmillsFINALsubtitle.mov

Then, go here.
http://williamkamkwamba.typepad.com/

Now. Give Thanks.

Best.Job.Ever.

2009-10-08T12:44:00.003-07:00

So. I have a new job. I say that just in case you didn't hear my shout for joy a couple weeks ago when the New Boss called to tell me I had the New Job. I am pretty sure the entire WORLD heard me shouting, but, you know,in case you were in a cave or something I thought I'd make it really clear. I HAVE A NEW JOB and it is the best.job.ever.
In addition to getting to teach again (Yippee!)I work from home (Hurray!) and have pretty fantastic co-workers. I've never actually met either of them (we work from home-home for them is the East Coast)but they seem fantastic over the phone.(Woot!). And, perhaps most significant of all, New Boss, is not, as far as I can tell, crazy (Huzzah!).
All in all it's a pretty freaking awesome job. :-)

You may all be envious now. Or not. Whatever. I have an awesome job. So there.

The Clandestine Service is OUT

2009-09-17T19:14:00.004-07:00

This week is a co-worker's last week at our esteemed employer. It fell to me, Erin, to plan her goodbye and goodluck shindig for tomorrow. How hard is this? Right? Well. Turns out planning a surprise party is MUCH more difficult than you might imagine.

Flaw #1 in the Grand Surprse Party Plan: Outlook Express Email has a mind of it's own. I sent out a mass email inviting people to the shindig. I CAREFULLY deleted people who did not yet know about my co-worker's departure (figuring she'd want to tell these people herself and then, once she did, I could invite them). Deletion? EPIC FAIL. EVERY SINGLE person I deleted actually GOT the email. So, my poor co-worker had people coming up to her all day-all of them nearly hysterical-asking her WHY she didn't tell them she was leaving. SIGH. When she asked how they knew they ALL said "Erin told me in her email!" Well, you can imagine how the rest of the conversation went from there...

Flaw #2 in the Grand Surprise Party Plan: Cubicle walls are not sound proof. Keeping a surprise in a cube forest is nearly impossible. Even a whisper carries as if you were shouting. Today alone I heard at least 5 conversations that sounded like this "Whisper Whisper Whisper PARTY ON FRIDAY Whisper Whisper Whisper" Sigh. I am sure she heard them.

Flaw #3 in the Grand Surprise Party Plan: Turns out, Erin can't keep a secret. So. In the end, she knows any way. Why? I blame Outlook (see above). Today, I sent a reminder email. I CAREFULLY checked the "to" line to ensure the co-workers email was not there. I had another co-worker check to. In the end? She got it anyway.(A MIND OF ITS OWN, I TELL YOU) Sigh. I suppose this just goes to show I was not intended to be a spy. Nor was I meant to be the planner of any surprise shindig. Let this be a lesson to you.

Epic Fail...

2009-09-15T18:21:00.005-07:00

In case you were wondering, Lysol disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer are not an effective "pandemic prevention program". Yes folks, despite Very Thorough HR Lady's best efforts to educate us all about proper cubicle hygiene, Swine Flu has come to the office.

Pandemic Prevention Program? Epic. Fail.

Good thing I have a natural immunity to influenza. And strep throat. The CDC should study me...

Those Poor Balloons...

2009-09-08T20:19:00.004-07:00

Today, I had the following conversation over IM with a co-worker:

Erin: Have you ever been to the Balloon Fiesta in New Mexico?
Co-Worker: The what?
Erin: I'll take that as a no. Here's the link
Co-Worker (after looking at the link): WHAT IS THAT!? What do you do with those?! Do you RIDE in those?!
Erin: Ummm...I don't, but some people do. Have you never heard of a hot air balloon?!
Co-Worker: I've heard of them, but I don't think I've ever seen one before!
Erin: Did you grow up under a ROCK?!
Co-Worker: Don't mock me because I am foreign.
Erin: I don't mock you because you are foreign, I mock you because you are odd.
Co-Worker: Whatever; why would anyone go to this anyway?
Erin: This is a big deal! They have pins and everything! Like the Olympics!
Co-Worker: That's just mean! Do they at least wait until the end of the festival?!
Erin: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Co-Worker: The pins! Why would they pin the balloons?! What if someone is still in it?!
hysterical laughter
Erin: They are pins like you would wear on your shirt? They don't stick them in the balloons!
Co-Worker: Stop laughing at me! I'm foreign! STOP LAUGHING!

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried...

Dear Visitors From New Zealand,

2009-08-28T18:24:00.007-07:00

I am soooo excited that you are here! Why? Because, for years I have been plagued by a question that only a New Zealand-er can answer. It is on my mind all.the.time...Well, okay. Maybe not all of the time, but frequently.

You see, several years ago, I had a discussion with my friend Harmony and she insisted that "real" New Zealand-ers eat a kiwi with the skin on. My response? EWWWWWWWWW. But, she was insistant. So, for years I have wondered, "Could this be true?! Wouldn't that be a little like eating a squishy, furry, scratchy ball of ick?" And, I haven't been able to acertain the validity of her claim because, while I know people who have been to New Zealand, I don't know a single person from New Zealand. Being actually from New Zealand is important because what if this whole "skin on" stuff is just something real New Zealand-er's tell foreigners because it's funny to watch them try to eat the kind of furry, but also scratchy, skin? Like a "Welcome to New Zealand" hazing ritual for newly arrived exchange students?

So, visitors from New Zealand, even though you are really searching for information about the Janome 6600 sewing machine, could you help me out?

The Kiwi. Skin on or skin off?

Your secret's safe with me,
Erin

Dear President Obama,

2009-08-25T19:25:00.008-07:00

In light of the recent and astronomical predictions for the federal deficit, I have someone I'd like you to meet:

Dave meet Barack.
Barack meet Dave.

I also recently read that you, Mr. President, have a "summer reading list". May I suggest an addition to that list?

Budget crisis? Solved.

We're Molting

2009-08-14T19:22:00.005-07:00

Yes, molting. From the tops of our heads down to our shoulders Isaac and I are shedding more skin than snakes. It is, to put it mildly, disgusting.

Obviously, we are suffering the after effects of rather severe and unpleasant sunburns. And, because you, dear reader, are likely gifted with the ability to make logical deductions, you are probably assuming that, once again, Arizona has tried to kill us. In this case, you would be wrong.

Yes, we are suffering the after effects of sunburn, but it is not Arizona that is to blame, it is...California!

Last weekend we snuck out of blazing hot AZ and spent a couple days in San Diego for our anniversary and it was fantastic. Except for the whole sunburn situation.
Now, you (again with those powers of deduction!) might assume that we are sunburned because we neglected to make use of sun-protection technology. Again, you would be wrong. This, friends, is a case of an epic failure of the sunscreen. Turns out, if you are outside in the sun all day,(let's say you decided to go sailing off the coast of San Diego on a replica 19th century schooner. If that sounds delightful, it's because it is!)SPF 70 (yes, SEVENTY) just isn't going to cut it. I suggest SPF 700, a hat, long sleeves and an umbrella. That should just about do the trick. Take my word for it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go exfoliate. Again.

4 Years...

2009-08-05T21:42:00.007-07:00

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you:

A Love Fest

Why this sudden change in direction? Well. Tomorrow is my 4th wedding anniversary and so I am subjecting you to the obligatory blog-o-sphere schmoopy-ness. In the last month or so, I have read no fewer than 15 "I'm so grateful for my husband/family/marriage" posts. Normally, this sweetness overload would get old, but in this case I am wholeheartedly supportive. Why, you ask? For a lot of reasons, really, but primarily because there is so much nonsense and negativity in this world about marriage and families that I feel like even the smallest efforts to paint marriage, family, monogamy and faith in a positive light are absolutely vital. And so, today, in my tiny corner of the internet and world, I am jumping on the bloggy bandwagon and declaring today officially "Love Fest" day.

Choosing to marry Isaac in the temple was the most important and best decision I have made so far in my life. Making the decision to marry was not easy. Getting married meant giving up some things that I, at the time, desperately wanted. I, being rather independently minded, really struggled with idea of going from "me" to "we". In my moments of extreme doubt, I am grateful for my dear little sister, who must have thought I was nuts for dragging her into my room in the middle of night and for making her listen to me, well, freak out. I am also grateful that she, in no uncertain terms, told me that I was being an idiot. Many people helped me to deal with my moments of uncertaintly and I am blessed to have them in my life. I hope you know who you are and that you know I am eternally grateful. Although actually making the choice and moving forward was difficult and a little scary, it is one of the only decisions I have made knowing 100% that it was the right thing to do. I am grateful everyday for inspiration and revelation that led to my decision.

Imagine putting the two most stubborn people in the universe together and then, ask them to live together, make huge, life altering decisions on a regular basis and, at the end of the day, still like each other and you can imagine how some days are in our marriage. :-)(it's those days that make me remember my wise father's advice, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?") Although things are not perfect,(nor should they be-how else do we learn?)I am still grateful, everyday, to be blessed with my marriage. In one of the many marriage posts I read recently, I came across this statement: "Life is hard, I am so grateful for my marriage" So. True. My marriage is a blessing. Not a burden or a trial. A blessing. And I am grateful for it.

Happy 4th Anniversary to Us! I look forward to many more to come<

Arizona is Trying To Kill Me: Chapter 2

2009-07-14T18:28:00.012-07:00

Yesterday started out as a mostly normal Monday. It was "mostly normal" because a normal-normal Monday would include Isaac, but he's in San Diego for work/lots of fun and therefore this Monday was only a "mostly normal" Monday. Anyway, moving on.
I went to work. I worked. I began the drive home. No more "mostly normal."

Approximately 4 miles from my home, whilst whizzing along down the freeway I heard an ominous "POP". I was fairly certain, based on the fact that my car immediately began to shake, I had run over something unpleasant and that my tire was going flat. Lucky for me, I was a mere 1/2 mile from the Walmart/Discount Tire exit and so planned to (slowly) make my way to Discount Tire, from whence the injured tire came. Alas, this was not to be.

As I changed lanes to exit, I heard a insanely loud grinding noise and smelled horrible burning rubber. Clearly, the tire was not simply flat or flattening as I had previously thought (hoped). Clearly, I had bigger problems. Not wanting to destroy the only car Isaac and I have, I pulled off to the side of the exit ramp, quickly prayed that one of the crazy Arizona drivers barreling down the ramp at 100 mph would not hit me as I exited my car and walked around to inspect the tire. The tire was not flat. Instead, the tire was COMPLETELY shredded, falling off the rim and had OBVIOUSLY EXPLODED. There was a HUGE HOLE where the rubber had BLASTED OUT like it had been shot from the inside. NOT. GOOD. This car was not going to make it the .5 miles to Walmart or Discount Tire. It was not going to make it anywhere without a spare. Have I mentioned yet that it was 115 degrees yesterday? Oh, I haven't? Well. It was 115 degrees yesterday. That is not an exageration. 100+15=115.

So. I reviewed my options. It's 115 degrees. The tire is hopeless. I do not want to change the tire by myself. Husband is in San Diego. I don't know a single person in Arizona I could call to request help with the tire situation. As I dug through my purse, I discovered it wouldn't have mattered if I had 1000 people I could call because, I, like an idiot, had left my phone at home! Great.

So. It's all me. Super. I moved all the crap out of our trunk (Note to Self: remove extraneous crap from the trunk) into the back seat and took out the trunk floor boards, only to discover that the jack was not there. Yes, folks. NO JACK. I had a lug wrench, but no jack. HAPPY MONDAY.

Having previously determined that I had no other options but to fix this mess myself, I decided to walk to Walmart to buy a jack. It didn't seem very far, and, what other option did I have? Whilst walking, I noticed that I could save myself about 5 minutes of walking in the 115 degree heat if I scaled a low-ish brick wall. It was an easy choice: when weighing the indignity of climbing a fence in work clothes against a slow and painful death of heat stroke, I will choose indignity every time. So. I scaled the wall. I bought the jack. I also bought water. The very nice man in the Tire Lube Express provided 'helpful' hints on using the jack. I went back over the wall and walked back to my car. It looked so sad there on the side of the exit ramp, blinking its little hazard lights. Moving on.

As I got everything set up to actually remove the tire, no fewer than 4 women in mini-vans/SUV's rolled down their windows to ask if I needed help. I was sorely tempted to say "Why yes, yes I do", but figured that asking a woman with 4 kids in her car to stop, in 115 degree heat, to help me change a tire was probably not the best plan. So, I politely declined.

This whole "Erin changes her tire herself plan" hit a small snafu when I tried to remove the hubcap so I could unscrew the lug nuts. The exploded tire had twisted wrapped around the front of the hubcap and was, like a rubberband, holding the hubcap in place. Tiny. Problem. Whilst digging in the crap from my trunk, trying to find something that would pry the hubcap off, despite the tire's death grip, a car pulled over in front of my car. A young man in a SUIT and TIE got out of his car and, without asking, came over to help. I told him he was GOING TO RUIN HIS SUIT AND TO GET BACK IN HIS CAR. He ignored me. He also might have laughed at me a little bit. I was beyond laughter at this point and had no inclination to argue. Plus, I really needed another person to hold the tire out of the way so one of us could get the stupid hub cap off. So, I let him stay.

He(Scott)helped pry the hubcap off and also removed the old tire. I put on the spare and put the old tire in the trunk. By the way, I discovered when it's 115 degrees outside, a tire will be about 300 degrees after it has been driving down the freeway for 20 minutes. Moral of the tangent: I should have waited a few minutes to pick up the shredded tire to put in the trunk. I burned my hand. (Cue the violins...). 10 minutes after Suited Scott's arrival the tire was changed. And Suited Scott did not, in fact, ruin his suit. Sidenote: Whilst chatting briefly and cleaning up as best we could with paper towels from my car, we discovered we are in the same stake. Small world.

Anywho: I drove the car to Discount Tire and the little tire man, upon seeing my exploded tire, exclaimed, "That's not supposed to happen!". Ummmmm. Yeah. YOU THINK? OF COURSE TIRES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EXPLODE!

It only happened because Arizona is trying to kill me.

In Which Erin Provides Job-Hunting Advice

2009-07-07T18:29:00.004-07:00

At my place of employment, we have recently begun a rather extensive hiring push. As part of this new expansion, I have had to review a ba-zillion (and yes, that is a technical term) resumes. In reviewing these resumes I have found that many, no most, people do not have a clue about how to appropriately present themselves to a potential employer. Not. a. clue. Therefore,as a public service, I shall now offer my (unsolicited) advice on job hunting. And, before you question my qualifications, let me tell you: I have applied for bazillion jobs. I have screened a bazillion job applications. Ergo: qualified to offer advice. Moving on.

The Resume:
1. Do not, unless you are applying for a position as a model or actor, put a picture on your resume. If you put a picture on your resume, the hiring authority (me) will laugh at you. Then, when the rest of the people reviewing candidates look at your resume, they will also laugh at you. You probably don't want the people responsible for hiring you to laugh at you. Just a thought.

2. Do not include, as part of your "objective", statements like "Seeking a stress free and fun workplace" or "Looking for a laid back atmosphere without a lot of stress". Once again, everyone will laugh at you. You are not applying for a fraternity. This is a job. And, since the job we are looking to fill will most certainly not fit either of those criteria, we will not invite you for an interview. We wouldn't want to disappoint you and all.

3. Cute fonts belong in greeting cards. I do not care that your work history goes back to 1972; typing your resume in a font that looks like it was printed off a dot-matrix printer 30 years ago is not cute. Any font even remotely resembling handwriting is not cute. It is irritating. Your resume will be laughed at. Are you sensing a trend here?

4. Do not attempt to "fool" the hiring authority. I (and any other thinking person) know that you did not "Teach customers the location of desired products". We are not stupid. Just because you can use the word "teach" does not make you qualified to do so. I do have to acknowledge the effort and creativity. I do not have to interview you.

The Interview

1. When you recieve a phone call from a business to which you have submitted an application, and therefore have at least a marginal interest in working for, do not say, "I am on the other line with a friend. Can you call back in about an hour?" Trust me, no one is going to call you back.

2. When you are applying for a job, do not have songs such as "My Lumps" or anything from High School Musical (all of them) as your ring-back tone. When someone calls to schedule an interview, you will make it impossible for that person to take you seriously. That person will tell everyone in the office about your ringback tone. Then, people will laugh at you. A lot. You are (presumably)not a teenage girl and ought to act like it. Now might be a good time to re-think that whole "ring-back" tone situation altogether.

3. When the company you have applied to calls and says "Hello this is ____________ from __________ calling about your application. Would you have a few moments for a screening interview?" Do not say "Um...which job was this for again and how much does the job pay? I'm not sure I want it yet..." It's entirely possible that you will be hung up on. Just say'n.

4. While participating in an interview do not say things like "Well, I really wanted ___________ job, but that didn't work out so, here I am!" or "Wow. This job sounds really hard! You guys must really hate it!". Enough. Said.

So, there you have it. Job hunting tips from an "expert", gleaned from weeks and weeks of experience. You are welcome.

Dear Boss-like Person,

2009-06-30T18:42:00.005-07:00

I am thrilled, really I am, that you value my opinion. I, being rather opinionated, think it's nice to actually be asked what I think, rather than following my usual pattern of offering my opinion whether solicited or not.
However, I do not appreciate being asked my opinion of other workers in the office. I do not like feeling like I am part of your covert plan to dig up dirt on co-workers against whom you have odd vendettas. Gossip under the guise of professional inquiry is still gossip. I.do.not.like.it.not.one.bit.
So. In the future, please do not invite me into your "office/cube" and ambush me with such questions. Because, as I've said, I am rather opinionated and I might just tell you what I think of you and your not-so-subtle attempts to get me to reveal damning information. I would feel perfectly justified in doing this because you are not my boss. You are simply boss-like.

Thanks so much!
Erin

Erin Versus the Chair

2009-06-24T19:04:00.004-07:00

One Year Ago

Erin starts a new job. A...stupid job. Erin is given a brief tour of the warehouse, ahem, "office" and is shown to her "desk"-a table that she shares with another person. At this "desk" is an office chair. It looks like your stereotypical office chair; weird waffle-ly fabric over spongy foam, levers sticking out from the side, a little wheel at the end of each leg. Erin sits down and begins to watch the world's most boring training videos. Erin leans back in her chair and realizes something is wrong. Erin gets up and investigates. Turns out the back of the chair has, at some point, become detached from the rest of the chair and has been, it appeared, jammed back into place. This has caused the back of the chair to permanently list to one side and wobble dangerously when leaned against. Erin is not sure what to do; she has been at the new job all of 10 minutes. Surely it would seem presumptuous to request a new chair. Erin sucks it up and tries not to lean back.

Score: Chair-1, Erin-0

Three Months Later

Erin is working and not leaning back in her chair. Erin hates her chair. Erin wonders what in the world she was thinking when she agreed to this torture. However, Erin is feeling a bit more courageous; having worked at this job for several months she has realized that most people are pretty clueless about the daily goings-on in the warehouse "office". She decides to do chair reconnaissance and find a new chair. She searches. It isn't a difficult search; Erin can see every desk if she stands up. She notices and orphan chair a mere 3 or 4 desks away and hatches a plan to steal/borrow the "new" chair. It takes only a minute. Old chair is out, new chair is in. Erin sits down. The back seems steady. SCORE. Erin begins to work...Erin slowly begins to realize something is not quite right...Erin seems to be slowly sinking. Erin wonders if the floor is beginning to sag (not an altogether impossible idea; Erin has put on some weight and this is one old, decrepit building), but NO. Erin's chair is slowly lowering itself. It seems this chair was an orphan for a reason.

Score: Chair-2, Erin-0

3 months After That

Erin, some months ago, had stealthily swapped out sinking chair for wobbly-back chair. She had decided on the lesser of two evils; while it was fun for a short time to have her very own carnival ride, she was getting a little motion sick. So, Erin is back to wobbly-back chair. BUT WAIT! Ridiculously Thorough HR Lady has been tasked with a chair inventory! She wants to know if Erin would like a brand-spanking new chair! This is a miracle! Erin quickly agrees. Erin is giddy. Erin takes what she can get; she's been copying and pasting from one spreadsheet to another for nigh these last 6 months; it doesn't take much to make her happy. A new chair is practically a Christmas bonus (maybe that's why Erin didn't get a Christmas bonus?). Several weeks pass and VOILA, Erin has a new chair. Erin is also moving to an ACTUAL desk. This will be Erin's third move. It seems that the PTB consulted their "Handbook of Professionalism" and realized that the abandoned warehouse look wasn't really the image they were going for; carpet was put down (the fumes are another story altogether)and Erin had to move (twice); cubicles were installed and Erin had to move (twice). But finally, Erin has a new chair AND a file cabinet. Erin is, well, not happy exactly, but less irritated.

The Present

Erin has moved yet again. Erin's employer has gone on a hiring binge. New people need desks; the cubicles were not big enough. New cubicles had to be installed. Erin moves to a new cube. Thrilling, yes? BUT WAIT. The new cubicle's desk is at least 2 inches higher than the old cubicle. Erin does not fret for she has a NEW (well, 6 month old, so new-ish) chair that is ADJUSTABLE. She tries to raise the chair. The chair is up as high as it goes. Erin cannot really reach her keyboard without her hands being at an awkward, near 90 degree angle. This is problematic. Sigh. BUT WAIT. Erin, being practically fearless now, approaches Ridiculously Thorough HR Lady and explains her "chair situation". Erin is told that new chairs are being ordered. It will be about 1 month. Erin resigns herself to carpel tunnel syndrome. All giddy Christmas-y feelings: gone.

Final Score: Chair-3, Erin-0

Job Hunting = Sadness

2009-06-15T19:40:00.003-07:00

Isaac and I are looking for jobs. He's finished with his graduate work and we are ready to move on. Problem is, so are about 1.5 million other recent graduates. This makes the job hunt rather discouraging.
I am so tired of spending hours and hours and hours on applications and cover letters and resumes and all manner of self-promotion only to:

1. Be told 'Thanks but no thanks' (Isaac actually got an email with that as the subject line! Who does that?!) or,
2. Hear nothing as if our applications have been sent into a resume black hole

It is monumentally frustrating. And, murder on the self-esteem.
Job Hunting really does equal sadness.

My new title

2009-05-19T18:21:00.002-07:00

I will now require everyone to call me professor. Only some people will understand this. Those of you who don’t send me some money or a job and I will tell you why. Also, I am testing out Windows Live Writer with IE8. Microsoft is clearly learning how to do things from Google.

Arizona is Trying to Kill Me

2009-05-14T19:23:00.003-07:00

When I was a kid I had horrible allergies. I was allergic to everything; dust, plants, the little plastic card the Dr. used for the scratch tests, anything with fur, anything with feathers, anything that once thought about maybe coming in contact with pollen...you probably get the idea. My allergies got so horrible that I slept on plastic, hypoallergenic sheets. My room became a "no-pet" zone. I learned to love HEPA filters and dusting. I got out of having to mow the lawn because, if I did, I couldn't breathe for days. It was miserable. However, my misery was not, I thought, permanent. I was overjoyed when, starting in my early 20's the allergies significantly improved. I didn't have to buy large quantities of anti-histamines, nasal sprays and asthma inhalers. I could breathe, most days, without the help of heavy duty pharmaceuticals. It was lovely.
And. Then.
And then, I moved to ARIZONA. My allergies have returned, and I think they are trying to make up for lost time. There is dust EVERYWHERE around here. There are tiny, dried out leafy things blowing around CONSTANTLY. If it grows in Arizona, I am pretty sure I am allergic to it. Stupid Arizona.
I have not breathed using my nose in nearly a week. I should have bought stock in Kleenex and whatever giant drug company makes Zyrtec weeks ago, because I am sure those companies are now rolling in money. My money. Who needs to buy groceries when you can buy anti-histamines?!
Seriously, between the boiling heat, the creepy birds, the awful drivers and allergies from Hades, I am pretty sure Arizona is trying to kill me.

The Janome 6600 Sewing Machine Saga

2009-05-11T18:04:00.005-07:00

So, Emily and a couple of other people off-line have asked how I chose the sewing machine I posted about a couple of posts ago. I started this post as a response to Emily's comment, but it was super long, so I decided to make my sewing machine buying saga it's very own post. Feel free to ignore the rest of this if you have no interest in the various intricacies of sewing machines and sewing machine purchases. Without further ado, here's a not-so-quick summary of how I ended up with my Janome 6600.

When I started looking for a new sewing machine, I had no idea what was available. I had used 3 machines in my life: my mother's excellent Kenmore, the Brother machine my mother bought me for Christmas when I was in college and an industrial Singer my mother gave me when I passed the Brother machine onto my little sister (are we sensing a theme here? My mom rocks.). I started looking for a new machine, fully expecting to buy a mechanical Kenmore, Brother or Singer. I had only ever used mechanical machines so I didn't have a clue what computerized machines could do. I tried a computerized machine for the first time at JoAnne's, while looking at the Singer machines and decided I'd buy a computerized machine.

Deciding to buy a computerized machine opened up all sorts of previously unknown features and options, so I started researching every brand of sewing machine I could think of. After looking at and reading about a bunch of machines online and comparing the many features and prices, I decided I wanted to spend enough money to get a machine I would use for many, many years; this meant I bought a machine that has more features than I use right now, but I am hoping to grow into my machine, rather than out of it.

I also set a price limit right away; it quickly became apparent that you could spend thousands of dollars on a computerized sewing machine. I, obviously, do not have thousands of dollars so I set a pretty conservative price limit.

After my initial research, I limited my search to the main quilting brands (because that is what I wanted to do with my machine) so I looked at Pfaff, Bernina, BabyLoc, Viking (Husqvarna), Brother and Elna. I ruled out Singer and a couple of other brands because they were really garment sewing machines that had been "converted" to quilting machines (mostly this meant someone in marketing had added "quilt" to the name of the machine). I also wanted a machine that much more experienced quilters than myself had used for a while and liked. I made a rather extensive list of machines to actually go and try by doing a google search of the brand names and "review"; there are tons of people out there who post really detailed reviews of their machines (I really liked the website patternreview.com for this purpose).

I immediately eliminated Bernina because the cheapest quilting machine was way out of my price range. I didn't like the feel of the BabyLoc, Brother or Elna; they didn't feel very sturdy or well made (hundreds,maybe thousands, of people will be outraged that I say that, but that's what I thought. Feel free to disagree. :-) )Vikings have recently gotten terrible reviews online, so those were also out.

So, that left,basically, the Pfaff and Janome. Quilters rave about both brands and both have long term reputations for excellent quality. Both brands have a line of machines designed specifically for quilters and the machines in these lines have a huge harp (the space between the motor block where the controls usually are and the needle). I like this because it leaves a lot of space to manipulate quilts while piecing and free motion quilting (sewing free form patterns,rather than straight lines). Both also have a feature that will feed the fabric from the top and bottom rather than only from the bottom, which is pretty important when you sew thick fabrics (like terry cloth, denim or flannel) or quilts. I tried the Pfaff Quilt Expression 4.0 and thought it was the machine for me.

I bought the Pfaff and IMMEDIATELY hated it (seriously, ask Isaac, I was nearly in tears). The thread mechanism was super fussy and quilting, even with thin batting, created HUGE knots. Also, the control features for choosing the stitch pattern, changing the size etc... were not very intuitive. It was, from the first minute I tried it, an absolute disaster. So, I returned it, did some more research and decided to try the Janome 6600P. I went back to the Janome dealer 3 times (after the Pfaff disaster I wanted to be really, really sure I liked the machine) and finally bought the machine.

It is fantastic. It is the only machine I tried that has an all metal casing (which makes it rather heavy, but also incredibly sturdy). It has nearly 200 stitch patterns and using the different patterns is super easy. The patterns can be adjusted for size and the machine can be programmed to perform various sequences of stitches. It also has a separate bobbin winding motor, which I haven't needed, but is rather handy and incredibly fast. The machine is also built to accept large thread cones, which is nice for quilting since quilting requires a great deal of thread. My most favorite thing is the start/stop button (most computerized machines have one). I don't have to use a foot pedal; I can control the machine with a button and the speed slider on the front of the machine. I can sew super slow for curves and as fast as I want for straight lines; the slider holds a perfectly steady spead. It. Rocks.

As you probably guessed, I love the Janome. I've sewn a bunch of projects and haven't had any trouble at all. It is also significantly less expensive than the Pfaff (but still kind of pricey; especially compared to a machanical machine). The one thing I don't have with the Janome is a free arm, but my Singer machine has one, so I use the Singer for sleeves and hemming and such and use the Janome for everything else.

Also, the most important thing I discovered while shopping for my machine is to go to a sewing machine dealer and actually sew on the machines. Even if you are looking at a lower-end mechanical machine, go to a dealer and try a bunch of different kinds. I was able to rule out many different models just by using them for a couple minutes. Don't just rely on the dealer demo; bring some fabric (anything you would sew often on your new machine) and try it out on the machines. Also, at a good dealer you should get at least one free class on how to use your machine. Most importantly, at a good dealer you should be able to negotiate on the price. Whatever the dealer initially quotes you is usually high (just like buying a car!), so google reviews of the machine you are thinking about and read what others have paid and the accessories they got with the machine. For example; my machine was significantly less than the list price and I got the brand name sewing table that fits my machine and free classes included in the price, along with 20% off all my future purchases in the store for ever and ever. :-) Lots of people also ask for, and get, extra presser feet, extra classes, bobbins etc...

So, for the 3 of you who have asked, that's how I bought my sewing machine. :-) And, for the rest of you; you have now recieved a totally free and unsolicited "How to Buy a Sewing Machine" tutorial. You're welcome.

Further proof that my place of employment is a little insane...

2009-04-30T17:53:00.003-07:00

So. At work. There's this guy. We shall call him George. George is rather hilarious. George is always making jokes. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE, at work knows and understands this. Remember this fact. It becomes important a little later.

Also at work, we have a very nice, very thorough HR lady. VERY thorough. Today, she emailed us all a copy of the company's newly minted 'Pandemic Prevention Program'. The entire program consists of...wait for it...providing each cubicle with tissues and hand sanitizer. I am not joking. I wish I was.

Enter George. George who cannot help but make jokes. I think it is a compulsion. George says, 'I've been sneezing all day! I think I may have the swine flu!'. Next thing we know, very thorough HR lady has SENT HIM HOME.

That's right folks. She sent him home. Because he said he sneezed. I'm not even sure he really sneezed. She didn't even give him a chance to use the hand sanitizer OR the tissues. So much for our "Pandemic Prevention Program"

I immediately scrapped all plans to loudly cough and then say "Gee I'm sure glad I used my hand sanitizer today" while walking past her cubical.

If you ever...

2009-04-23T18:08:00.005-07:00

get a lovely Scentsy candle warmer from your Mother-in-Law for Christmas along with cinnamon scented Scentsy wax from your mother and Mother-in-Law and you decide to put the warmer in the wall socket behind your table, because no one ever walks back there, so it won't be bumped and you realize that you need to change the wax in the warmer because it stopped smelling like lovely cinnamon several weeks ago and now simply smells like hot wax and you walk behind your kitchen table to get the warmer and forget that the warmer is on and try to pull the warmer out of the wall socket while it is A) on and B) full of hot wax be prepared bump your elbow on the table and spray hot wax everywhere and then, be sure to plan on spending a great deal of time cleaning red-orange wax off your hands, shoes, jeans and, most importantly, the white carpet in your rented apartment. You'll want to make sure you can spend at least 1 hour brushing the, now dried, wax out of the carpet and then fruitlessly scrubbing the carpet in an (unsuccessfull) attempt to eradicate the orange-red stain. Trust me. I know.

My New Toy

2009-04-19T20:04:00.005-07:00

Remember how, a little while ago I posted about a fabulous quilting/sewing/embroidery machine? And, remember how I said it was super expensive, so it might take me a year to save for it?
WELL. I have a fantastic husband and we talked about it and he convinced me to get it now! We had been saving for a couple other things and we put those off for a little longer and so now I have my new toy!

And, even Isaac has gotten excited about it! He's decided he is going to sew a shirt. He's started:

All he has left to do is sew all the pieces together!

Anyway, as you can probably guess, I've gotten very little done this week, except a whole lot of sewing.

This post is NOT about Easter.

2009-04-13T17:46:00.004-07:00

Everyone is posting their Easter pictures and this makes me happy because:
1. I like seeing pictures everyone and their cute kids
2. I didn't do a darn thing for Easter and this way, I can live vicariously through all of you.

I guess this post was about Easter after all. Sort of.

That is all.

Penance

2009-03-24T18:54:00.004-07:00

So. Apparently, I am a "bad blogger". In the past few days I have been informed, by friends and family, that I "suck" as a blogger. Many apologies. I fear, though, that I have nothing to say and so, I say nothing. It's not that I don't want to record my every action here on this very public space (actually, it is that I don't want to record my every action here...but only partially), it's that my day to day existence is excruciatingly boring. However, because I like to respond appropriately when I have been reprimanded, I will now treat you to a detailed account of my most recent activities. For the past month. Do please remember that you asked for it.
In the past month:
1. Went to work. A lot.
2. Wished I wasn't at work. A lot.
3. Explained to my boss, for the 1000th time, that, yes, is absolutely necessary that the lectures we produce be historically accurate.
4. Went to New Jersey.
5. Sat in Newark Airport for 4.5 hours.
6. Met a bird that lived in the airport. Met his little friend. Named the bird: Moe. Named the friend: Harriet. I have no idea if the names are gender appropriate. I am adding "Looking up from my book, whilst sitting at gate C-121 in Newark New Jersey, only to see 2 little birds hopping around my feet" to my list of somewhat disturbing bird encounters.
7. Was invited to the AP reading again. WOOHOO.
8. Realized I may not be able to go to the AP Reading. Sad.
9. Began looking for a full time, classroom based teaching job.
10. Heard that 700 or so teachers are going to be laid off after this school year.
11. Suspended the search for a full time teaching job until further notice.
12. Made contact with an old friend (I am still planning to call Emily! I am just slow!)
13. Went to church.
14. Wrestled with Primary children.
15. Wondered what, in the name of all that is holy and good, the Bishop was thinking when he called me to the Primary Presidency.
16. Felt really bad, on multiple occassions, for really, really struggling with being in the Primary Presidency.
17. Read a bunch of books.
18. Did not, despite good intentions, finish the quilt that is sitting in my living room. In the quilt frame. For 4.5 months.
19. Faciliated 3 online courses.
20. Started facilitating 4 more online courses.
21. Joined a gym.
22. Started getting up at 4:30 to attend the aforementioned gym.
23. Isaac bought a roadbike.
24. Went biking.
25. Got really, really sunburned while biking. Stupid Arizona.
25. Completed saving for a new car. (Today!)
26. Watched the news and felt really grateful for the decision to live debt-free.
27. Found an incredible sewing/quilting/embroidery machine and hated the decision to live debt-free.
28. Decided to save for the aforementioned sewing machine. Even if it takes a year.
29. Discovered, painfully, that I am quite allergic to macadamia nuts.
30. Isaac settled on a final project
31. Isaac is working like a crazy person to finish the final project.
32. Isaac pretty much rocks GIS and website design. (this isn't only true of the last month; it's always true. But, it needed to be said. In case anyone forgot, or something)
33. I think this about covers it.
34. But, 32 is an odd number to stop on.
35. So, I added three lines to make it 35.

There. Penance complete. Let this be a lesson to you, should you ever wish I blogged more.

The Birds...

2009-02-20T13:30:00.002-07:00

So, I think the birds of Arizona are trying to kill me. Or at least give me the heebie-geebies.
Bird Incident #1: As I was driving down the freeway several months ago, a bird literally dropped out of the sky and landed with an audible THUD on the side of the road. CREEPY. In case you ever wondered; yes, birds do die while flying and yes, they will just fall right out of the sky.
Bird Incident #2: Several weeks after the bird dropping out of the sky incident, I opened my front door to find a gaggle of pigeons-they immediately flew up, into my face, and nearly INTO my apartment. I screeched and slammed the door. Isaac thought someone had attacked me...no, the BIRDS attacked me. I still don't know why they chose to spend the night sleeping by my front door. CREEPY. It's like they were staking the place out.
Bird Incident #3: Last night, I opened the door to our patio, because our house was hot and stuffy when I got home from work. With the door open, I made my dinner and sat down on the couch to eat. I hear a noise. I look up. A bird has FLOWN INTO MY HOUSE. CREEPY. Once again, I yelled. Specifically I yelled "There's a bird in the house!", but no one else was home, so no one rescued me. Good thing the bird knew the way out, and flew out again, because I might have passed out. About gave me a heart attack.

See-the birds are out to get me. It's more than a little disturbing.

Did you pay attention in history class?

2009-02-17T21:01:00.004-07:00

"In order for Crusoe to obtain eight fish in half the time, he must spend all of his time collecting _______."

a.fish
b.bananas
c.coconuts
d.an alternative product

The answer? Drum Roll Please.......

c. coconuts

That's right. Don't try to understand it, just accept it. At least, that's what I told the teacher whose students were asked this question on one their HISTORY tests. Apparently, the teacher didn't think this question was relevant. She couldn't figure out why it would be on the history test. She wanted me to change it. I couldn't do it. Change a gem like this? I would be doing every history student taking the course a disservice if I changed the question.

It's a darn good thing I was hired to rewrite the history courses 6 months ago and have, instead, spent the last 6 months doing everything under the sun except rewrite the history courses. If I'd actually been able to rewrite the history course, like I was hired to do, I might never have seen this question. And then where would I be? Where would we all be?

To Blog or Not to Blog...

2009-02-11T17:58:00.004-07:00

So, with my attention span equal to (or less than) that of a gnat, I am kind of over the whole blogging thing...we'll see what happens.
In the meantime, feel free to call! :-)

Go. Me.

2009-01-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

I, mostly computer illiterate Erin, FIXED the software. Go. Me.

So sad...

2009-01-25T10:55:00.002-07:00

So, there's this quilt design software. It's AWESOME. It's also really, really expensive. Despite it's rather skyhigh price tag, I coveted the software. Last week, I had finally, FINALLY saved enough to buy the software. We ordered the software. It came yesterday. I was so excited. Really. I know it's nerdy and I don't care. I was like a little kid. When it finally came, Isaac installed it on the computer. And...

It didn't work. It installed just fine, but it won't open. Everytime I try, I get the same error message. Apparently, there is some sort of conflict between Windows Vista(I am sending "I hate Microsoft" vibes out into the universe) and the software. It's supposed to work with Vista, but mine doesn't. And, because it's the weekend, the little tech support people aren't there to answer my, somewhat desperate, phone call. I don't know what to do. So. Sad.

Some People's Children...

2009-01-15T19:19:00.002-07:00

All this week at work, we have been blessed (cough, cough) with the presence of our major investors. This is a good thing (investors=money for the company, etc...) and a bad thing (everyone is in a craptacular mood from trying so hard to impress them). I have to say, I was not impressed by them. You would think wealthy, successful business people would have some class. You would be wrong. Today, whilst sitting at my desk, minding my own business, I was blessed to overhear a lengthy, loud and rather detailed discussion of favorite STRIP CLUBS in Canada. That's right. A group of men decided that the WORK PLACE was a great place to discuss their strip club prediliction. Sigh.
My cube mate and I were torn. Do we say something ("Ummm, Mr. Investor men, I know that you basically ensure I have a job and all that, but you are so disgusting. Could you move that conversation elsewhere? Like to Siberia?") or not? In the end we opted for passive aggression: I turned up my radio. It was playing piano arrangements of hymns. Take THAT investor men!
Not too much later, they moved on. I like to think my subtle hint did the trick...

Most Embarrassing Moment...

2009-01-09T18:52:00.004-07:00

Before I share this story, I must preface it with this fact: I have NEVER been more tired than I have been this week. Today especially. I was literally falling asleep while standing up today. Now that you know that...be kind. Don't judge too harshly! And now...our feature presentation:

ERIN'S MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT. EVER.

Today, when the alarm went off, I thought "Why did Isaac set the alarm for 1 in the morning? Did he think that would be funny?!" Then I looked at the clock. It was not 1 in the morning, it was 6:00. Time to get up. Already? It felt like I had not slept at all. I stumbled towards the closet and rummaged through my clothes. I barely remembered that I was meant to film on the green screen today and so I grabbed my grey sweater. Apparently, floating heads frighten the clients, so I had to wear something that wasn't green. Sigh. Why do things have to be so complicated?!
I put the sweater on, and because I was still cold I covered it with a giant hoodie. Picture Erin looking very much like a refugee, stumbling around her house wearing Isaac's giant hoodie. Now, fast forward to Erin's arrival at work.
Upon arrival, despite still feeling very groggy and cold, I removed the giant hoodie and sat at my desk. For some reason (divine intervention) I looked down at my sweater. My brain, working at about 1/8th of it's usual speed, eventually registered that something was wrong with the sweater. Something is wrong, but what? As my brain struggled to figure out what the problem was I decided to take my lunch to the kitchen to put it in the fridge. As I rose from my desk, it hit me. MY SWEATER WAS INSIDE OUT. That's right. I had arrived at work with my SWEATER INSIDE OUT.Not only that, but it's this argyle sweater/shirt combo; so there are seams everywhere. The backs of buttons and button holes are showing. You can bet your bippy I put that hoodie right back on and hightailed it to bathroom to correct the problem. I have no idea how many people saw me before I trucked it to the bathroom. It was early. No one saw. Right? RIGHT?

Isaac's Christmas Present or...

2009-01-07T19:48:00.004-07:00

"I married an overgrown 10 year old". :-)
So, shortly after Christmas, Isaac and I made our way to the local hobby shop and purchased Isaac's Christmas present: A radio controlled helicopter. Yes, you read that correctly. My (mostly adult) husband wanted nothing but this helicopter for Christmas, so that is what he got. :-) He loves it.
And, to show that sometimes you just can't hide your inner 10 year old, here are a few pictures of him learning to fly the helicopter.

So adorable.

I return...Triumphant!

2009-01-07T19:39:00.003-07:00

It has been a really busy couple of weeks (thus the lack of posts!), but things are settling down now.
Catch up Summary: Christmas was great. New Year's was great (in bed by 10:00. PERFECT.). Returning to work wasn't so great. Isaac is working lots, but doesn't have to go to school for another couple of weeks. So jealous!
That's it. Nothing exciting. Nothing special. Maybe the return wasn't so triumphant after all...