Remember when I explained that I have an intense dislike/fear of shopping? And that because of said intense dislike/fear of shopping I own only 2 pairs of pants? And remember when I said I wouldn't know what to do if I ever needed to buy more pants?
THAT DAY HAS COME. My tempermental dryer, which has only 2 temperature settings- "nearly hot enough to melt steel" and "just barely warm enough to actually dry the clothes"-has shrunk one of my pairs of jeans and now they look like they belong on a woman 3 inches shorter and about 50lbs lighter. Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP.
Does anyone out there want to go shopping for me? Anyone? Anyone? I'll pay you and make you cookies and if you do a really good job, I'll even sew something pretty for you. Please? PLEASE?
Showing posts with label if i was in charge of the world.... Show all posts
Showing posts with label if i was in charge of the world.... Show all posts
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Epic Fail...
In case you were wondering, Lysol disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer are not an effective "pandemic prevention program". Yes folks, despite Very Thorough HR Lady's best efforts to educate us all about proper cubicle hygiene, Swine Flu has come to the office.
Pandemic Prevention Program? Epic. Fail.
Good thing I have a natural immunity to influenza. And strep throat. The CDC should study me...
Pandemic Prevention Program? Epic. Fail.
Good thing I have a natural immunity to influenza. And strep throat. The CDC should study me...
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Dear President Obama,
In light of the recent and astronomical predictions for the federal deficit, I have someone I'd like you to meet:
Dave meet Barack.
Barack meet Dave.
I also recently read that you, Mr. President, have a "summer reading list". May I suggest an addition to that list?
Budget crisis? Solved.
Dave meet Barack.
Barack meet Dave.
I also recently read that you, Mr. President, have a "summer reading list". May I suggest an addition to that list?
Budget crisis? Solved.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Dear Arizona Drivers,
That stuff falling from the sky is RAIN. It is NOT the apocalypse. The sky is NOT falling down. I promise. There is no need to slow down to 15 mph on the freeway. Please, trust me. You can still drive the speed limit. Or close to it. I'd settle for 50mph, but 15mph is an invitation for me to get out of my car and beat you a little bit with sticks. I am pretty sure I could catch you if I walk at a brisk pace.
On a related note: to the driver of the black Audi who thought he was 'too cool' to follow the flow of traffic. You got what you deserved. I wanted to go faster too, but I am not stupid enough to think that wanting to go fast was the same as having the power to part the traffic like Moses parted the Red Sea. If you think that you can drive 90 mph whilst weaving in and out of traffic, you deserve to spin out and hit the median when you are forced to slam on your brakes because every lane of traffic comes to a complete stop (please see memo above). I laughed at you a little bit. What an idiot.
Sincerly,
Erin
On a related note: to the driver of the black Audi who thought he was 'too cool' to follow the flow of traffic. You got what you deserved. I wanted to go faster too, but I am not stupid enough to think that wanting to go fast was the same as having the power to part the traffic like Moses parted the Red Sea. If you think that you can drive 90 mph whilst weaving in and out of traffic, you deserve to spin out and hit the median when you are forced to slam on your brakes because every lane of traffic comes to a complete stop (please see memo above). I laughed at you a little bit. What an idiot.
Sincerly,
Erin
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Musings...
Today it was only 97 degrees. That's right. The temperature did not break 100. Wonder of Wonders, Miracle of Miracles.
In other news...I made granola. Be impressed. I used to really like the Costco granola. Crunchy, fruity goodness. Tragically, they had to go and CHANGE the granola. The yummy dried cherries were replaced with...dried blueberries. YUCK. And, rather than keeping the yummy,crunchy sunflower seeds, they added....pumpkin seeds. Double YUCK. And to top it off, we decided not to renew our Costco membership (the lack of good granola was a significant deciding factor). So, I have been granola-less for many moons now. BUT-it occured to me that granola is simply oats mixed with some honey, butter, nuts and fruity goodness. I can do that. So I did. It was a little crumblier than I was hoping (note to self: more honey, less butter) but it tastes yummy. And, I only put in things I like. So there, Costco. Who needs your yucky old granola anyway!
In other, other news...I have decided to run for president. That's right. Erin for President 2020! There are many reasons for this, but mostly I have decided that the only way to be sure something is done right is to do it yourself, so that's exactly what I am going to do. So, VOTE ERIN! The campaign fund is also currently accepting donations. Please contact the ERIN FOR PRESIDENT committee for details. Between now and then I plan to become a "community organizer "(note to self: find out what that means), mayor of an insignificant small town in rural Nebraska (bonus points because Nebraska has never had a presidental candidate), a Senator (but, no worries, I will be certain to make sure I spend more than 2/3rds of my time as the people's representative campaigning for President-have to be sure to use my taxpayer financed $250,000 salary to NOT do my job), in my role as Senator I will also propose the most useless and ill advised immigration reform legislation in the history of mankind (this, apparently, means I am 'for change') and I will loudly and passionately decry the qualifications of my opponents, only to (OF COURSE!) turn around and say wonderful, glowing things about those opponents when it becomes politically expedient and I need to find a VP. Don't forget: VOTE ERIN 2020!
In other news...I made granola. Be impressed. I used to really like the Costco granola. Crunchy, fruity goodness. Tragically, they had to go and CHANGE the granola. The yummy dried cherries were replaced with...dried blueberries. YUCK. And, rather than keeping the yummy,crunchy sunflower seeds, they added....pumpkin seeds. Double YUCK. And to top it off, we decided not to renew our Costco membership (the lack of good granola was a significant deciding factor). So, I have been granola-less for many moons now. BUT-it occured to me that granola is simply oats mixed with some honey, butter, nuts and fruity goodness. I can do that. So I did. It was a little crumblier than I was hoping (note to self: more honey, less butter) but it tastes yummy. And, I only put in things I like. So there, Costco. Who needs your yucky old granola anyway!
In other, other news...I have decided to run for president. That's right. Erin for President 2020! There are many reasons for this, but mostly I have decided that the only way to be sure something is done right is to do it yourself, so that's exactly what I am going to do. So, VOTE ERIN! The campaign fund is also currently accepting donations. Please contact the ERIN FOR PRESIDENT committee for details. Between now and then I plan to become a "community organizer "(note to self: find out what that means), mayor of an insignificant small town in rural Nebraska (bonus points because Nebraska has never had a presidental candidate), a Senator (but, no worries, I will be certain to make sure I spend more than 2/3rds of my time as the people's representative campaigning for President-have to be sure to use my taxpayer financed $250,000 salary to NOT do my job), in my role as Senator I will also propose the most useless and ill advised immigration reform legislation in the history of mankind (this, apparently, means I am 'for change') and I will loudly and passionately decry the qualifications of my opponents, only to (OF COURSE!) turn around and say wonderful, glowing things about those opponents when it becomes politically expedient and I need to find a VP. Don't forget: VOTE ERIN 2020!
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