Tuesday, December 20, 2011

I am a menace...

Hello Internet Friends and Strangers! We survived our time with Intrepid Spouseman away and he returned(despite my best efforts to run him over with our car...more on that later) safe and sound. Levi is in heaven, now that his best friend in the whole world is back, but none too pleased when Isaac leaves for work in the mornings. At least he's only gone for a few hours and when he comes home Levi is just beside himself with glee. It makes me happy. However, all of this happiness nearly did not happen since I nearly squished Levi's best friend in the entire world in a parking lot on post. In my defense, it was 100% an accident. That, however, is my only defense and Intrepid Spouseman is alive and well only by a small miracle (that miracle being that I slammed on the brakes before squishing him). You, dear internet friends and strangers, are probably wondering what on earth I was doing in a parking lot near enough to I.S. to nearly squish him,  if I.S. was supposed to be away at survival training. An excellent question. I shall explain.

I was driving down the road towards the gas station on post. This road happens to go right by the cafeteria which is used occassionally by those in training. As I drove past, I saw two big busses, of the sort used to shuttle various training classes hither and yon,  parked in the parking lot and realized that the only people who would be at the cafeteria in big busses at that point would be Intrepid Spouseman's class. I about had a heart attack and then drove around the block six times trying to decide what to do. Since they were inside I knew they'd have to come out eventually and I really, really wanted to see I.S.  BUT. I didn't want him to see me. He was still  in training and I didn't want to distract him. On about lap number 4, I decided to be stealthy. After 2 more laps, I had a fool-proof plan. Sort of. I parked in the parking lot behind a large, puffy shrub. I know, I'm so brilliant. What could possibly go wrong with such an intricate and well-thought out plan? We waited in the car, Levi and I, and soon enough they all came out and there he was!  I was feeling quite proud of myself and my amazing undercover skills. Quite pleased with myself, indeed. Right up until I realized that Spouseman was going to walk right in front of the car and see us. I kind of panicked and pulled out, intending to turn to the right to drive out of the parking lot away from the guys coming out of the cafeteria. Only, I wasn't really thinking clearly and I turned left-directly in front of him. Much slamming of breaks. Much screeching. Near-heart attack. Of course he saw me (which was exactly what I didn't want) and I panicked again. My brilliant solution? I kept driving (DON'T JUDGE.). But, I was so totally freaked out that I wasn't watching closely and nearly ran over a second group of guys in Spouseman's class. More slamming of breaks. More screeching. More heart-attacks. They'd survived ridiculously difficult training and I nearly took out a half-dozen of them in one fell swoop in the stupid cafeteria parking lot shortly before they were meant to go home. Clearly, I was not meant to be a spy. Or an undercover cop. Or anything else that requires me to be even marginally stealthy. By the time I made it out of the parking lot (without killing or maiming anyone) I was so completely out of it that I drove straight home. I'd been home about 20 minutes when realized I never did make it to the gas station.

Despite this brush with death, he finished the training, made it home and all is well! Yay for us!