Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dear Little Phelbotomist Girl,

When I said "It won't work to use the vein in my right arm," I was not just being difficult. Laughing and saying "Oh, it'll be fine!" is not going to make it actually be fine. Many, many people (much more experienced than you, judging by the fact that you looked to be approximately 10 years old) have attempted to draw blood from my right arm and have failed miserably. I was sharing this information so I could avoid being stuck multiple times in both arms, as usually happens because people insist on trying my right arm first. Thus, when you poked my right arm anyway and the vein collapsed it took every ounce of my self restraint not to say "I told you so."  I tried hard to disguise my frustration and annoyance, but seriously. I warned you. Twice. And now my arms are bruised and sore and it is all your fault. So, thanks for that. Next time, listen to me.


Monday, March 22, 2010

I blame the Blob...

Today I went grocery shopping, as I do just about every Monday. Whilst grocery shopping I was overcome with the desire to eat macaroni and cheese. Not good macaroni and cheese, either. I wanted fake, from a box, made with radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese.
This was, at first, rather distressing to me as I have never actually purchased or voluntarily eaten fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese. Nevertheless, it was all I could think about. Seriously, I was suddenly starving and all I wanted in the whole wide world was fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese. I gave in. It took 10 minutes to find the fake, from a box, radioactive, orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese (did you know that it is not in the pasta aisle? Neither did I. It is in the same aisle as canned vegetables. I do not know why.). When I finally found fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese I was overcome with indecision. Turns out, there are approximately 10 million different kinds of fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese. I was positively paralyzed with indecision. Do I buy the 'original' version? The generic version? The organic version? The "whole grain" version? White Chedder? Spiral noodles? WHAT TO DO!??? Finally, I did the only logical thing. I bought 5 different kinds. Trust me, this made perfect sense at the time. Why wouldn't I buy 5 boxes of the macaroni and cheese?  Once I returned home, I "cooked" the "original" flavor. The 7 minutes it took for the noodles to boil were the longest 7 minutes in my life. And, may I say, it was the best lunch I've had in quite some time. I had the leftovers for dinner. And now, I am pretty sure I never want to eat fake, from a box, radioactive orange cheese "sauce" powder macaroni and cheese ever again. Do you think the grocery store will take the rest of the boxes back if I explain that the Blob made me do it?

P.S. I mean "Blob" with all the affection an expectant mother can muster. Really, I do. Don't call DCFS.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

It's been a long time. just occurred to me that it's almost always "been a long time" when I finally get around to updating this little blog. It'd probably be okay if I stopped announcing that fact like it was somehow an astonishing revelation. Anyway, moving on.
I've realized several things lately and I, for reasons unknown, feel compelled to share. So now, I subject you to:
Random Goings On at the Montague's

1. I realized the other day that, more than just being annoying, clutter makes me crazy. I literally cannot concentrate or think about anything else if things are clutter-y and messy. This is a problem because we live in a tiny apartment and we, despite my frenzied New Year's purging, have too much stuff. I really, really don't like it when stuff doesn't have a 'home'. I should learn how to weave baskets because I buy them with astonishing regularity. I like to put stuff away. Everything must have a home. This need to put stuff away borders on a compulsion.

3. Isaac is doing a triathlon later this month. He rocks. I am not doing a triathlon because I currently resemble a small-ish whale. Maybe next year.

2. I am the luckiest pregnant person on earth. Seriously.  As soon as someone hears I am pregnant and still early in my pregnancy, each and every person I talk to feels compelled to tell me all the horror stories they have ever heard or experienced. I have heard about women throwing up 10 times a day. I have heard about women having to be hooked up to IV fluids for the better part of the first trimester. I have heard about debilitating exhaustion, endless migraines, constant feelings of starvation, endless blood tests, skyrocketing blood pressure...the list goes on and on and on. I have had none of these. I have not felt sick. Other than 1 incredibly unpleasant headache several weeks ago, I have had absolutely zero pregnancy symptoms.  Of course, now that I have said all that, I am going to start throwing up 10 times a day and be unable to get out of bed in the morning, but until that happens, I'm going to continue to consider myself the luckiest pregnant person ever. This is even the opinion of my midwife, who upon hearing that I haven't been sick or otherwise unpleasantly affected, pronounced "You're just lucky!". Yup, I am.

3. I have now started, but not finished, 3 different quilts. I'm sure I'll finish them eventually. I like having more than one project going on at once. No good reason why.

4. My little brother leaves for Brazil and his mission this Wednesday. He's very excited and we are all very proud of him for deciding to go. He'll be great!

5. I haven't purchased bread from a store in almost 3 months. I've been making our bread and it is great. I much prefer homemade bread to every single store bought brand I have ever tried. Since I work from home, I can start it in the morning and let it do it's rising thing during the day and finish it up before dinner. It's a great system. I highly recommend it.

6. Isaac and I really want to take a vacation before the baby comes, but thanks to the IRS and the US Tax Code, most of our vacation money has been otherwise spoken for. So, we need ideas for a cheap vacation. Preferably somewhere warm. Or, if someone would like to gift us with a vacation to Europe, we'd take that too. Consider it an early birthday present for the baby. No takers? Didn't think so. Suggestions would be appreciated.

8. I am now a regular contributer to The Diet Coke Diet blog, started by none other than my industrious little sister Morgan. It is a repository of all things quick, inexpensive and useful. Come visit us! You can read my inaugural posts! They'll teach you how to make a baby quilt (you know you want to!). I'll be posting on Wednesdays and Thursdays for the foreseeable future.

7. Why do all books of names call themselves some variation of "Baby name book"? You're not really naming a baby, you're naming a person. A baby is only a baby for like 1/100th of his/her life. Thinking you are naming a baby is how people end up with names like "Cookie"-maybe cute for a 3 month old. Not so cute for a 30 year old. Why not call them 'Name books' or "Names for future adults"? I'm writing a name book and calling it "Erin's Giant Book of Names for People" Cookie will not appear in this book.

That is all.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Hey! I'm Over Here Today! Come Sew With Me!

Click on over to the Diet Coke Diet Blog to learn how to make a baby quilt! You know you want to! I'm a great teacher. ;-)

Flannel Baby Quilt  (Click me! Be crafty! Be creative! You can do it!)