Memos

Dear Jon Schmidt et al,
The concert last night was fantastic! My husband and I were so impressed. You and those who worked with you are incredibly talented and such fun to watch and listen to. Thanks for a great performance!
Sincerely,
Erin

Dear Audience at the Jon Schmidt Concert,
You. Suck. Seriously. Were you people raised in a barn? I have been in audiences made up entirely of high school students that were more respectful and well-behaved than you people. Who on earth comes to a concert late and thinks "I know, I will call the people I am meeting in the middle of the performance so they can tell me where to sit?" rather than just waiting till you can see, or taking an available seat until intermission? And who the (*^&% actually answers their phone and starts to talk in the middle of the performance!? Is it so hard to just wait a moment at the back of the auditorium so that you don't interrupt the entire concert?
Additionally, I cannot believe I had to ask a grown man to turn off his phone so it would stop buzzing and blinding me everytime he got a text message. Twice. I had to ask you twice. Unless someone has died, there is no information being texted to you that is that important. And, if there is information you must have that instant, then leave!And to the person sitting next to Isaac who thought "covering" your phone with one hand while texting with the other was acceptable, all you did was create a strobe light effect. Super. Annoying. At least Isaac only had to ask you once to knock it off. And who the (^&% thinks it is acceptable to talk, non-stop throughout an entire concert? You are lucky I only had to bust out my "I will kill you with my eyes" stare once, otherwise, you might be dead.
Finally, I know he/she is cute and cuddly and all that jazz, but please, for the love of everything holy, leave your baby with a sitter. That is what a babysitter is for.

Raised in a barn, I tell you.

Sincerely,
Erin