Today, I did something I swore I would never do. Of course, I only swore I wouldn't do it because I knew I would be unhappy when I did and why would I want to torture myself? I, as a general rule, try to avoid activites I know will make me unhappy. And, generally speaking, it's a good rule. So, why did I cave this time? I don't know. Why did I ignore the voice in my head that said "Erin, you really don't want to do this"? I don't know. All I know is that I never, ever should have given in to the impulse. I never, ever should have stepped on that scale.
BAD IDEA! WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking craziness, that's what. I was thinking, "It's okay that you work at a job that requires you to sit on your rear end all day, immobile. It's okay that you live in HADES and, therefore, do not go outside to do anything even remotely active. It's okay that the 'gym' at your apartment complex is usually inhabited by very scary, large men who "socialize" by grunting numbers at one another as they lift impossibly heavy objects. It's okay that, because you are home by yourself all the time, you eat constantly. It's okay that your clothes all make you look like a sausage. It can't possibly be that bad." And, I, like an idiot, actually gave in to my crazy self-talk and got on the scale. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't bad. It was worse than bad. It was, "I might actually weigh more than a baby cow" bad.
Now, I don't know which is worse: Knowing the awful truth, or knowing that I probably won't do a darn thing about it.
7 comments:
I'm very sorry. I avoid the scale, but pregnancy requires a great deal of it. STINKS!
Erin, it is not as bad as all that! I don't think you look remotely sausage-like. Get a membership at Fitness works and we can go together once I have the baby!
Erin, I am very sorry for your scale troubles. I sympathize, and remain appalled at what the scale says when I step on it. But I am also sure that you are way too hard on yourself, as you Bills women seem determined to be when it comes to weight and body image. Come visit me in Boston and I'll show you what being fat really looks like. :)
And if you're looking for motivation to exercise, I highly recommend buying a treadmill/bike/eliptical (you can find reasonably priced exercise equipment on craigs list) and/or signing up for a race of some sort (5K, 10K, half-marathon). Together the two are quite the motivator!
Dearest sister,
I feel your pain, for this is what happened to me, except that a stupid Nurse at the campus Wellness center made me get on the scale. I hate going to the gym (see latest blog entry). I am creeped out by working out at home but pilates works wonders...
Amen sister!!! Getting in the scale...hating it and yet....working out is WORK!!!!!
The only thing I can say about working out is that I hate it. But when I was doing it all the time in Wausau and sort of regularly in Maryland, I felt WAY better.
I use the scale to weigh pumpkins in math class for first graders. So it's covered with goo and tragically, no human feet can touch it.
Come up with a better excuse than that! I dare you!
MA
Morgan-so I've heard, which is yet another reason I will not be getting pregnant any time soon.
Alisa-You're nice!Do you know how much the membership is?
Maren-you are not allowed to refer to yourself as "fat"-you ran a half-marathon. I don't care if you weighed 300 lbs. You. Win.
Kelsey-I hear ya!
Sarah-:-)
Mom-Why don't you and dad go walking? It's not too cold yet, right? :-)
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